All You Can Eat-At The Salad Bar Of Pain And Abuse

       Have you ever known someone who is in a totally disfunctional relationship and just seems destined to repeat patterns of negative and destructive behaviors?  I was thinking on this last night with a young teenaged couple that i know.  They spend all of their time together…fighting…hurting…crying…begging…breaking up…for-giving….manipulating…emotional arm wrestling…isolating…and starting all over again.  They are on the phone…or in person…tuning everyone else out..until they self-destruct.  Then, the explosion, they want everyone to feel their pain.  When counseled…all they can think about is “fixing it” and getting back together.  They get back together all right…but nothing ever gets fixed.  It is an emotional war that definately takes prisoners.

        Then today, someone else that i care about deeply…has decided to once again go up for a heaping dose of all you can eat at the salad bar of pain and abuse.  Taking a little taste of negativity, nibbling on a chunk of guilt large enough to choke a horse, a dip of put downs and innuendo, a spoonful of diced self esteem, add a sprinkling of despair, a serving sized dollop of loneliness, add a slice of isolation, a bowl of anger, and lets not forget a huge serving of accusation.  Hey, you’ve already paid the price…there is no limitation on how much you can have…it is there if you only want more. 

         Why, you have a relative smorgasboard of pain and misery….why not go back for more so that you are so bloated that you can no longer function with any semblence of happiness or healthy well being!!!  Remember the fear, the desperation, the sadness, the lacerating words, the shutting out of communication when it doesn’t go the other person’s way?  How could you forget the psychological pressure of being told there are no problems…it is all in your head?  Remember the humiliation?  Remember being controlled on every level until you doubted your own ability to make good decisions?   Remember the feeling of being used, snuck up on , being lied to?  Remember the invasion of your privacy…you know…the pilfering of your phone conversations, the rifling of your private papers, the behind the scenes scare tactics of telling others that the other person was afraid you were loosing it?  Remember the sexual addictions?  Remember locked rooms that you weren’t allowed into?  Remember the other person’s ex’s “having all kinds of personal problems” before you found yourself one of the “ex’s”?   Remember the depression and suicidal thoughts?  Surely, your mind remembers…even if your heart doesn’t!

           You were able to break away once…it took courage; but you did it!  Dont be manipulated again.  You weren’t shaking in anxiety and fear anymore.  You could breathe freely.  You didn’t have to justify every little thing to another person.  You were starting to take pride in yourself again.  You had health on your side once again.  You had the divorce decree in your hands. 

          Is it not possible to learn from our mistakes?  Are we destined to keep coming back for more punishment?  Do we need to get bloated on our gluttony for self destruction by continuing to wallow in relationships that are not good for us?  Ahhhh…if only they could experience a relationship that didn’t dwell on negative, hurtful, destructive emotion and actions…then, maybe they would never be tempted to step back into the cesspool!!! 

           Life is too short to live in abuse and neglect…come on over to the other side; i want to shout…or at the very least…whisper in their ear while they sleep; planting a hynotic suggestion that will insure happiness and peace for the rest of their life. 

           Besides…why do the rest of us have to be subjected at every opportunity for togetherness to sit across a room and look a the face and person of so much poison?  If you are choosing to self-destruct…at least do it out of my line of vision…even though i love you…i can’t save you from yourself and poor choices.  Please remember that your true self that doesn’t deserve such treatment; you are more valuable than that.