An Awakening To Domestic Abuse

      This subject is never a pleasant one.  No one likes to acknowledge domestic abuse is a way of life…especially if it is happening within their own life.  Unfortunately, domestic abuse happens every day in a multitude of ways.  It doesn’t just happen in the lives of the poor, the rich, or the celebrity world; even though, that is often the stories that we hear about…those who are famous.  We must awaken to the facts of domestic abuse; it is often learned behaviors that are used to control another person…either with intimidation, physical violence, emotional abuse or sexual abuse.

       Domestic abuse is like cancer…it is constantly trying to destroy the people involved.  It is a pattern of behavior that affect both the abuser and the person being abused.  Many who are being abused do not recognize that what is happening in their lives is actually domestic abuse.  The reasons for their lack of understanding, or denial are many. 

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Sperm Donor For Nayda Suleman Gets Ok For Paternity Testing

      Denis Beaudoin who believes he may be the father of some of the children that Nayda Suleman (Octo-mom) gave birth to has gotten the ok to have DNA testing done to determine whether he is in fact the father of any of the children.  Nayda has 6 older children as well as the 8 newborn babies who made media history recently when they were all delivered alive. 

         Denis donated sperm to Nayda during the years that they dated between 1997-1999.  She told him she couldnt have children the traditional way because she had ovarian cancer.  They were in love at the time and wanted to have a child together.  They broke up eventually and went their seperate ways.  When he heard of these pregnancies and births…he immediately thought it was possible that he was the biological father.  Nayda denies that he is the father and has ok him having the DNA testing to prove that he is not.  Time will tell the truth about paternity.  If it rules Denis out…then the questions will begin again about who in fact is the father. 

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Suspicious Sperm Donor: I Knew Nayda Suleman When

        A man, Denis Beaudoin,  who donated sperm for Nayda Suleman during a 3 year relationship, that they shared 10-12 years ago, suspects that he maybe the father of ,at least, her older six children; not to mention the possiblity of being the father of her 8 newborn babies.    Nayda has been the focus of much speculation and news reporting since giving birth to the babies; she has been referred to as the Octo-mom in the press.  All 14 of her children have been conceived by invitro fertilization.  Nayda says that all of her children are the product of invitro-fertilization from the same sperm donor.  Denis Beaudoin says that he knew Nayda Suleman when their friends nicknamed her giggles for her infectious laugh. 

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Nicole Richie Adds To Her Family

        Today it was announced on Joel Madden’s bands website that he and Nicole are adding to their family.  Their daughter Harlow is going to have a younger sibling.  Having children who are close in age is good for the children; but, can be a little rough on the parents.   However, Joel says that finding out that they are expecting another child is better than an Oscar!

         With their daughter Harlow just over 1 year old and a second child on the way; one wonders whether they will get married?  Nicole’s adopted parents divorced when she was young so maybe that plays a part in not having legalized her relationship with Joel…but, there is no greater commitment than having a child together; so hopefully, they will get married soon.   Joel’s father, allegedly left his family and they struggled because of it.  So, maybe fear and trust are big issues for this young couple in love.

           God says that to those whom much is given, much is expected in return.  Both Nicole and Joel have had many blessings in their lives.  I like the fact that they started the Richie Madden Children’s Foundation to help children.  Joel also says that God has blessed his family.  I do wish since so many young people look up to them as role models that they would get married in the eyes of God so that they could realize the fullness of God’s blessings! 

        

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Baby Your Blog

Well, this past week has been a lesson on nurturing my blog.  This past week was a week out of the ordinary and I was not able to nurture my blog in the way that I normally do.  I began to think on that thought.  A blog is a bit like a baby…it needs to be nurtured to grow and prosper.

How do you nurture a blog, you ask?  First things first, if you have a blog already you need to evaluate it’s well-being.  If you do not have a blog…begin one.  You need to think about what your blog is intended to accomplish.  Mine was initially set up to develop some discipline, commitment, and to help improve my writing.  As it evolved, I learned more…and therefore; I have discovered what I want and need.  Some of those things have changed with time; and now, I know that  my blog needs some adjustments.   That is ok, it is called growing pains; things that don’t grow become stagnant…they wither and die.  If your goals change for your blog, then you must make changes.  That knowledge requires some re-evaluation. 

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A Nursing Mother Can’t Ignore A Hungry Baby-Salma Hayek

     If you were traveling through a poverty striken area and you had a baby of your own that you were still nursing…could you walk away from a hungry newborn baby that had nothing to eat?  Actress Salma Hayek was in Sierra Leone on a humanitarian mission…she nursed an African newborn who was starving because his mother could not produce milk for her child.  Salma was moved to feed that child.  She talked about his eyes lighting up as he began to feel the nutrition flow into his body.  She was moved in her heart to feed him; because i believe that a nursing mother can’t ignore a hungry baby that is crying out in his/her need;  that is called basic human compassion.  Still, you would think that we all had that in abundance; but, not always so, some would run the other way as quickly as they could go.

       This moment was captured on film by the news crew of  “Nightline”  who were along on the trip for Unicef , to promote the importance of tetanus vaccines.   Unicef and Pampers have a campaign called 1 Pack=1Vaccine; Salma is a spokeswoman for Pampers.  www.unicefusa.org or www.pampers.com/unicef 

         I love the message of what Salma did; purely from the standpoint of, if you see a need fill it.  Salma still is breastfeeding her own child who is approximately 1 year old.  She understands the importance of, the nutritional value as well as the bonding value of, breastfeeding. 

         Surely there will be those individuals who will criticize her for what she did.  There will be naysayers who will bring up the issue of aids and to the  possible exposure to her health or that of her own child.  They will say that she did this as a publicity stunt, or for the attention.  Some will say in the larger scheme of things…did that one feeding make a difference; will it save the life of that child.   I believe it made a difference.  I believe an African woman saw an American woman with heart.  I believe a baby felt fulfillment, comfort, and love.  I pray that the mother and child received more help.  A world saw a desperate moment and an act of love.

          I say, she was in the moment.  She saw a child in need; she felt the despair of a mother who could not provide for her child the most basic necessity in life at that time for her child; she did what she was able to do.  I love that she didn’t think twice.  Those who have been blessed in life and find themselves around others in need have a responsibility to share.  I respect Salma for doing it so very naturally.  There are so many in need around the world…what can you do to make a difference?

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Which Came First The Abortion Or The Birth?

       Grrrr…I am a bit torn on this news item; whether to feel more anger or sadness.  It seems that a young 18 year old woman found out that she was pregnant.  She went to a clinic to have an abortion and was given medicine to dialate her cervix to prepare for an abortion procedure.  Before the doctor could perform the abortion…the medication caused her to deliver her baby daughter at just 23weeks of pregnancy.

       A clinic owner allegedly came in and cut the umblical cord and put the child who was struggling to breathe into a red plastic biohazard bag and threw the child in the trash…all as the mother watched in horror.  Allegedly a doctor came in and gave her some medicine to calm her down and sent her home in shock.  The police were called and the child’s remains were identified by DNA as being related to the mother.  Now the mother has sued the doctor and the clinic where the delivery/abortion took place; the doctor has allegedly lost his license.

         This procedure took the life of a human baby almost three years ago.  That child would be walking, talking, singing it’s abc’s , potty training…and maybe even going to pre-school now.  She would be making her mother or another mother figure (she could have been adopted by another mother) mother’s day cards in May…she was not a blob of flesh like so many of these clinics try to tell young women.  She would be a daughter, and a granddaughter; if she could.

        The mother allegedly has said that she changed her mind about the abortion, once she saw her daughter  alive; now she is traumatized by the memory of watching her child struggle for breathe and being tossed away like a bag of garbage.   I am sure that the legal question was did the abortion come first/or the birth…was the child actually born alive?  Testing supposedly revealed that the child did actually breathe, so that means that she was born alive.

        So, who is to blame for this child’s death?  Is it the clinic owner, who by the way did not have a license to practice medicine allegedly?  Or was it the doctor who was not present?  Was it the mother who went in for an abortion in the first place?  Is it society who allows abortion in the first place?  Do we blame the makers of contraception for possibly having failed the mother and father of the child?  Who exactly is at fault?  I say, it is all of the above; at least morally, if not legally. 

        First of all, I believe that abortion is wrong.  I think that if it is true that a clinic owner, who was not a medical doctor, did what has been alledged, then they are also at fault.  I think if the doctor perscribed the medication that caused her to go into labor and deliver a live child that was indeed tossed away in a plastic bag when it was struggling to breath…they that doctor is also wrong.  Was there contraception used in the first place?  I dont know.  I do know that if the teenaged mother was having sex..she should have understood the consequences of her actions that resulted in a pregnancy and that by going to have an abortion…that that child’s death was a direct result of having medication that was designed to result in the death of the child; it should not have shocked her that the child died as a result of taking medication designed to cause said abortion.  Is society at fault here?  Yes, because we allow these things to happen …because we don’t stand up and scream bloody murder that it happens every day around the world. 

        Which came first, the  abortion or the birth?  Does it really matter at this point regarding this particular child?  No, it died needlessly.  If that mother was truly horrified by this situation…then maybe some good can come out of it by her lawsuit, by her speaking out…maybe even by doing a special service announcement on television or in the schools. 

         It is outrageous.  Yes, that child was only 23weeks in the womb of it’s mother…and yes, it may not have survived even had the clinic called for medical help or intervention for that baby…it was pre-mature…not by nature’s designs but by mankinds design.  However, it may have had a fighting chance if it had not been aborted or if it had been taken to a neo-natal unit.  Life is precious…dont abort.  That mother will relive those moments for the rest of her life.  The child didn’t get to have a rest of it’s life. 

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Internal Strength And Power-Giving Birth

       Last night was amazing, my daughter gave birth to her third child; without medication.  She was powerful and strong.  She did not make a peep during the natural labor until the last five minutes when she was in push labor.  It is not that she didn’t feel the pain…she did…she just refused to let it dominate her birthing experience.  It is natural to be fearful, in pain, stressed, and overwhelmed…but, I did not see that with her.  I saw focus and I saw joy and excitement …she was about to meet her child for the first time.

       The pregnancy was a bit difficult.  Many pregnancies and deliveries are.  Sometimes they are traumatic; mothers go through much to bring children into the world.  Often, I think that not enough recognition is given to a woman during this time.   It is still a miracle and because it has become safer for both mother and child…people forget that things can and do go wrong.  It can be a stressful time for both mothers and fathers.   Men also sacrifice alot for their children but pregancy and delivery is the beginning of the parenting experience.  Fathers need to be encouraged during this time to bond with both the mother and the child during the pregnancy because that is very important to both of the parents…and eventually to the child.   It is a strengthening time for the whole family…or it should be anyway!

       I watched my daughter, I prayed for her…and i was in awe.  I dont believe that i could have done it.  This was her largest child.  It is also her last pregnancy.   I told someone, who was there, that if it wasn’t for the baby trying to come early for the last 2 months; she would make being pregnant and delivering look easy.  I know it was a difficult time for her and her family as she is not used to being inactive.   It took a team of people to help bring this little one into the world.  Her mother -in -law was amazing and she sacrificed much of her time helping; as I live over an hour away.  It was greatly appreciated to know that she was giving her care, that i could not provide on a daily basis.

       Women have internal strength and personal power that they are often unaware that they possess, until they are tested and pushed beyond what they think they can endure.  Men are pretty amazing as well.   I watched my son in law as he went pale and struggled while my daughter was plunged into pain…it was a testament to his love for her to see him as he physically went through stress and misery right along with her.    Men see and experience things differently than women do.  It does not mean they aren’t feeling and being moved…they just show it and express it in different ways.    Both men and women have conflicting and complementing skills, strengths, knowledge and for that I also greatful.  We are made by God to be each other’s support and strength, and sometimes sounding board. 

         I love my daughter and I love my daughter in law.  I am thankful for their sacrifice to bring my grandchildren into the world.  Mothers are amazing…they deserve respect for many things…not the least of which, is the effort it takes to bring a child into the world.  I love my mother and I appreciate her and her sacrifice for me and my siblings.  I dont think that we can say it enough to our parents that we understand and appreciate them.

        Anytime something new is about to be accomplished or born there are great challenges, difficulties, or resistence.  It is in the struggle that value is born…the very thing which we are striving to give birth to, or that which we are trying to accomplish, is pitted against the challenges.   Is your struggle worth the effort it will take bringing it to life and nurturing it until it is fully formed?  I believe it is…whether it is giving physical birth to a child, a dream, a career, or any other goal!   What is important enough to you, to overcome the obstacles in your way?

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Enabling Or Supporting The Mother Of Octuplets

       Surely you have heard the news about the mother in California who gave birth to eight babies this past week; she already has six children; they are all under the age of 8.  The mother, Nadya Suleman, conceived all of her children by invitro fertilization.  She is unemployed and living in a three bedroom home with her parents.  There are so many questions about how an educated woman, could allow herself to get in this position of having 14 children with little or no support.  Many are questioning the ethics involved in allowing a single woman with 6 children and no job to get invitro fertilization in the first place; let alone, get implanted with 8 embryos.

         Part of the conflict is that people are wondering how did she come up with the money for the invitro for any of her pregnancies?  That is not cheap…let alone to have it done so many times.  Also, it is not normal procedure to implant so many embryos for one pregnancy.  Even when 4 or so embryos are implanted…it isn’t expected that all would become viable babies.  That is amazing in itself that all 8 would be viable and born.

        Now, the woman is living in a home with her parents with only three bedrooms.  There are already 6 children in the home.  Where will these babies live when they come home?  Nadya’s father is a contractor who works overseas and probably wont be around to help and the media has been reporting that Nadya’s mother is threatening to leave the home when her daughter comes home from the hospital.  She says that her daughter has been obsessed with having children her whole life; and, at some point received counseling for that obsession. 

     Nadya’s mother is saying that she is leaving.  So, that must be hard for her to even think about…but by staying would that be considered enabling her daughter or supporting her?  At this point, the babies are already here…they have been born.  The mother says that Nadya is out of embryos so that her obsession will have to end.   I think that is a good thing. 

         The question is…if Nadya truly has an obsession…why wasn’t that dealt with before this latest pregnancy?   Will the department of human services get involved to ensure that all 14 children are being cared for properly?  Will a social worker be assigned to the family to co-ordinate some kind of system to make sure that everyone is doing what needs to be done to support this family?  Who will pay for that since Nadya doesn’t work and her parents have filed for bankruptsy within the last couple of years?  The state of California, where she lives, certainly can’t afford to pay for that. 

         The medical expenses alone for this pregnancy will be astronomical.  Babies born prematurely will have huge medical bills from the birth and caregiving alone…not to mention possible life-long disabilities that they could face.  I heard, dont know if it is fact, that one of the older children has possible autistic tendencies.  That too, would be a big financial concern.

         All 14 children were allegedly fathered by the same sperm donor.  Does he bare any legal, financial, or moral responsibility?  Do you think he knows about the children…or do you think it is an annoymous sperm donor?  If he knows about the children…should he be legally forced to help provide physical and financial support?

          News programs were speaking today about the possibility of Nadya selling her “story” to Oprah’s show or maybe even Diane Sawyer for ABC news for something like $2million dollars.  Do you think that is appropriate or inappropriate?

           I at first thought…that is not cool.  She should have to work to provide for those children herself.  But then, reality set in…child care fees alone would take every penny that she makes; and she would still be a drain to the tax payers.  Not to mention…who in their right mind would take the responsibility of providing care for 14 children, all at once?  Another thing, if she was working round the clock to provide for them…she wouldn’t have any time to dedicate to the emotional needs of her children.  If she can’t make money from her “story” then…she would just be another single mother who supported her children from the money the rest of us tax payers pay in…and that is definately not ok with me. 

         As much as I dont like the idea of selling her story to the highest bidder…it is the lessor of two evils.  I dont think the American public (or California tax payers) should foot the financial or medical bills of that family.   Children are a blessing…i do believe in pro-life values.  However, this was a definate abuse of  the system to create a family.  Not the invitro itself…because i think that does provide an avenue for many families who have trouble conceiving children.  However, she already had children…she was not supporting them herself.  That was already a drain on her family and the tax payers assumably.  I do think it was unethical of whatever medical clinic that provided it’s fertility services to her, in her situation. 

         But, on the other hand, once they did enable her to conceive…I heard that she was offered selective termination of some of the fetuses to offer them a better chance of being born without difficulties.  I am glad that she did not terminate any of the babies…because i believe that is murder.  It is a terrible no win situation…but , life is life…and whatever she is able to do to legally support those children should be done.

         I do think if she is indeed offered a large sum of money…she should be court ordered to repay the tax payers for any support or monies that she/her family has received from the tax payers as no one else had the choice about how many children she chose to bring into the world.  I truly would be surprised if some reform or investigation is not performed to question the medical and legal ethics of this situation.  What are your thoughts on this story?

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