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Archive for the ‘husband’ Category

You know that Bernie Madoff has plead his guilt to the court in the securities fraud case against him, as well as  perjury; however, the investigators who are delving into this long -term Ponzi scam are allegedly, having to investigate his business associates, some of his family members, and his tax accountant too.  There is so much missing money…that many observers automatically assume that the money has been hidden among those that he has personal relationships with; whether that is true or not, remains to be seen.

It leaves the impression of guilt by association, though this is unfortunate, because many of them may not have had any idea about the fraud that was taking place.   I personally doubt whether he advertised the fact of what he was doing, to his friends and family; it isn’t something most people would be proud of.    I am thinking about his wife in particular; did she know where the money in their lives came from?  She is also allegedly, being investigated; and, unless she had direct involvement in the day-to-day business operations…how would she know what he did while he was at work?

Still, if the money in their accounts is  found to be accumulated from the fraud; the government could confiscate it couldn’t they?  His own family members could end up being “victims” of his actions, just as well as, those who lost so much financially!  Bernie will be sentenced for his crimes in June.   What the additional investigation finds, will also determine what happens to the others that are being investigated by their association with Bernie Madoff.  Bernie may have plead guilty, but, if this investigation negatively impacts his friends and family…you have to wonder if he will actually feel any guilt!

In this kind of a case, the cloud of suspicion could literally destroy many more lives than those that have already been destroyed.  If Bernie Madoff could admit his guilt in court…why can’t he just be honest and tell the investigators where the money is?   Maybe if some of the money could be found…maybe some of the people who were ripped off could get some of their money back.  If he is keeping that missing money information to himself…it could destroy those that he supposedly cares about, such as his wife, children, business associates and such.  Let the guilty be found out…and the innocent be proven so; still, what if the money is found  in their accounts without their having knowledge of the scam?

So many lives have been destroyed by this security fraud…this Ponzi scam this abuse of trust, it is sickening.  People have lost so much of their money that they counted on to survive.  It makes a person intensely frustrated and angry that Mr. Madoff will be sitting in a prison cell…getting three meals a day and all of his basic needs will be met; while his “victims” future is still up in the air.  The levels of trust and responsibility that we put in our leaders is immense and needs honored by meeting those levels of trust and responsibility and exceeding it!  This damages everyone’s ability to trust those in authority, who’s decisions affect our lives…has it affected how you trust people?

I have moved my site to a new Url:  WriteWhereYouAre if you are interested in more blog posts!

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        Honor killings are used as a way to control behaviors typically in male dominated societies, often in the middle east.  Usually, we hear about a daughter, a neice, a sister, mother, or a wife who has been murdered for violating a traditional role in their interaction with other males outside of their family.  Unfortunately, this week honor killings are making news headlines because of a New York television owner’s death.  It is being alleged that Aasiya Hassan was killed by her husband Muzzammil under the heading of an honor killing because of her desire for a divorce after some domestic violence issues, allegedly between husband and wife.

         The Hassan’s started their television station in 2004; they did so because they wanted to combat any form of anti -Islamic sentiments that have been building since 911.  They called their station Bridges TV. (more…)

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        Oh I forgot about this, a couple of weeks ago i watched the ABC television show Wife Swap.  Normally i do not watch this show as it is a bit too over the top dramatic for me .  I don’t know why I ended up watching this time, but I did.   I probably shouldn’t have because it was outrageous and offensive to me.  This is one wife swap drama that  they probably shouldn’t have televised.

         The one husband appeared to be an elitist…a snob of a royal kind.  He was rude, insulting…condescending and very emotionally cruel to the wife that was swapped to his home.  He came across as a total jerk.  He tried to change the game halfway through the program.  He refused to change the rules or activities like other families do during the second week; he threatened to stop the show, he ignored the swapped wife; and, he encouraged his children to do the same. 

        If you have never seen this show… it is a show where two families swap wives/mothers with each other.  Of course, the families for dramatic reasons are two exact opposites when it comes to lifestyles or practices.   When the women change places…they do as the family normally does the first week….during the second week, everything changes and the women implement changes/rules that they think would better or improve that family.

         This particular show, Stephen Fowler, was openly hostile, rude, emotionally critical, verbally abusive and controlling.  He made statements about middle  class Americans who he referred to as Rednecks.  He called the “wife” fat, lazy, ignorant, stupid…etc.  He insulted her education.   It crossed the boundaries of dramatic television and entered into nothing but abusive conduct, in my opinion.

        It seems that Mr. Fowler is now experiencing a huge backlash about his conduct and his wounding words.  Rightly so!  He tried to be so superior to everyone and everything that he came across to be very boorish.  I thought his wife, in retrospect, was fairly decent in her dealings with her family that she was swapped to; for the most part, at least until she was reunited with her husband. 

          At first, when his behavior came to light, during the meeting between families at the end of the show…she appeared to be somewhat ashamed of the things  when she was told of what he said and did.   Still, a person who conducts themselves so very openly and unapologetically towards another person…has to have exhibited that sort of behavior before,  i would think.  How could anyone allow their children to be raised around that level of contempt and disrespect for others?  How will those children relate to others in the future? 

        I thought to myself, if I were his wife…i would be ashamed to show my face because people would know what kind of a man she had married.   I would wonder if people thought that I thought the same things about others that her husband appeared to believe.   I also thought, a man who appeared to be filled with such contempt for others should not be allowed to have so much influence on young children’s minds  (he and his wife had children there who watched how he treated the swapped wife).    He was demonstrating cruelty to another fellow human being; simply because he thought she deserved his contempt.   

          But at the end of the show, both Mr. Fowler and his wife,  left me feeling glad that I no longer had to listen to him.  I really though that he could win an award for the most offensive person on television that week for sure; if someone would take a vote.

        I guess Mr and Mrs. Fowler’s neighbors are frustrated because people are driving by their home and pointing; and, someone even egged the Fowler’s home.  Someone has been passing out fliers with the Fowler’s name, address, and pictures on it.  These things are not ok.    Of course, the neighbors did nothing wrong…so this of course, affects them too.

         This printing of fliers, finger pointing traffic, and egging  is considered harassment.    Of course, no one should condone harassment or violence towards anyone…however, Mr. Fowler certainly struck a chord with many people.  It would appear that by his own words he behaved like a jerk and people were not ok with that.  

          Most people who have such a strong opinion towards others learn to keep it to themselves; or, find a more appropriate way to express themselves; rather than going on national television.    This past week, it was announced that Prince Harry, of Great Britain, is going to be taking sensitivity training because of something that he said about another person.   It would appear that being sensitive towards those who are different, from ourselves, is something many of us could benefit from.

        

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     Ok, I am going to rant a bit for a minute.  Twice this week the news has hit us with two terrible stories about families that self-destructed through murder-suicide.  Two families that were destroyed.  One family in particular left a suicide note allegedly saying that the reason they were dead was because both the husband and the wife lost their jobs…were in debt…and were rejected by their employers.  The other family’s reasons have not yet been announced.  The family members allegedly say that there was no clues to this tragedy.  What i want to know is…can we stop families from hurting the ones that they love?  Yes we can, encourage them to seek help:  http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/  Each time something like this happens…those who were lost leave behind friends, family members, neighbors, acquaintances and community members who are hurt, confused and saddened.   We have to take care of each other and learn to be more in tune with those around us.  (more…)

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      I recently read a story about a young woman in San Diego; I won’t mention her name, as i really don’t want to give her any more notoriety than she has already created for herself.   Not to mention, I personally hope that she changes her mind about her decision to sell her virginity to the highest bidder. 

      For whenever a product is sold…there is a give and take; and while it may seem that the money is worth the loss of something that she values less than the money…it doesn’t mean that the trade of her integrity is the right thing to do.  Integrity is a core value in a person.  It is the state of being whole or undiminished; of adherring to moral or ethical principals; of honesty.  While she may be honest in her expectations of the deal…it does deminish the perception of who she is that she could or would sell herself to a person who would basically rent her body.  How will a future mate value her “virtue” if she herself devalues it?

      This 22 year old woman has received a bid for 3.7 million dollars for the one time gift of her virginity.  She allegedly got the idea to sell “it” after her sister allegedly prostituted herself for 3 months to pay for her college education.  Wow…is this like a family tradition or what?  I am sorry but, I am thinking this whole thing is wrong on so many levels.

        First off, the idea of selling your virginity is not my idea of innocence.  Evidently, it isn’t the dictionary’s idea of innocence either.  The definition of innocence is:  the quality or state of being innocent;  freedom from sin or moral wrong;  simplicity or lack of guile;  naivete;  lack of knowledge or understanding; freedom from legal or specific wrong; or, harmlessness.

       This young woman may have a lack of sexual experience…however, she is not innocent or “unknowing”.  She does understand what she is about to do.  She knows that she is selling a “product-herself” for a large sum of money.  She appears to understand that there are some people in this world who are willing to possess that “physical innocence” for a sum of money…even though that innocence is fleeting.  The logic of paying mutiple millions of dollars for something this empty escapes me…I can’t help but to ponder, what type of person would consider something of this nature. 

      She allegedly said that she believes that both herself and the person that she does “it” with will both profit greatly from the deal.  For herself, she plans to use some of the money to pay for an advanced degree in family and marriage therapy.  Hmmmmm…interesting!  Personally, I think it brings a whole new meaning to the idea of a profit/loss statement.   

       I wonder if she may someday have to use some of that money to pay for counseling once she takes that step into a marriage of her own…when both she and her future spouse have to come to terms with the physical and/or, psychological consequences of her actions regarding her virginity.  Money is a poor balm to a mind and a soul that is damaged from selling itself to the highest bidder.  Will she be able to trust that the person she chooses to marry is marrying her for herself and not for her money?  Will she be able to find a person to love her, who can find kernels of a person of value…after she devalues herself, as a person, by selling her body? 

       After all, this isn’t a person who is being forced to sell herself…nor is she selling herself to “survive”; she is making a conscious choice to sell her body for money.  When it is over, will she consider that she traded up?

       Back to the definitions of innocence…freedom from sin or moral wrong (decay)…while some may try to deny that selling your body is wrong morally…the soul knows it’s worth.  That is what a conscience is for.  It gets troubled and disturbed when you do things that go against spiritual purity.  That is a safety valve built within our very beings…it is designed by God to help us turn away from the very choices that have the ability to destroy us for eternity.  That is my opinion.

       Now, most anyone over the age of 10 understands about the exposure to STD’s from having sex with multiple partners.  This woman does not pretend to have a future with the person who will use her for this sexual experience.  That means that someday, she will eventually have other experiences with someone.  She herself admits that she is using this unknown person, in my opinion, by alluding to the fact that she is in it for the money.   I think in her mind, it is a straight up exchange of money for the sexual pleasure of sharing this 1st sexual experience with her.   This decision could have lifelong impact on both her life and, that of this invisible person with excess money; not to mention…her future sexual partners and or, any children that she may have someday.   In my book…exchanging sexual favors for money is prostitution and is illegal in California, last I knew. 

      Not that people don’t get involved in prostitution…however, they do get arrested for it; prostitution is a crime!    What do you think of this situation?

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        Donald Peters won, and he won big!  It was his luckiest day…and his most unlucky day as well.  On November 1st Donald bought a lottery ticket in Conneticut; and he won $10 million dollars.  Can you believe it?  He was a retired factory worker; I am sure that money could come in handy after all those years of working hard.  He bought two tickets…but, he didn’t cash them in.   Someone else did…and they did it just this past week.   It was Donald’s wife of 59 years who cashed the ticket in.

       Why her, and not him, you may ask?  Hours after buying the winning ticket he went home and  had a heart attack.  Donald died…and his family grieved; not even knowing of the winning ticket that sat unattended, in the home, while they went about mourning the loss of the man they loved.

        While some would say the man was lucky to purchase a winning $10 million dollar lottery ticket…others would say if it weren’t for bad luck….he would’ve had no luck at all.   You see, the purchase of these tickets was a tradition that he and his wife shared for 20 years.  While he won the lottery, he didn’t get to celebrate…he didn’t even know that he won the money, let alone get to spend a dime of it!

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     For those who have not heard the news story this past week; a man by the name of Bruce Pardo dressed up as Santa and went on a shooting rampage directed at his ex-wife and her family.  He was aware that they held an annual Christmas party.  He had been planning this for quite some time.   About a week or so before the shootings took place…Bruce Pardo and his estranged wife,  Sylvia, were officially divorced after 2 years of marriage.  This man who dressed up as Santa, needed help.   If he had gotten it…maybe this tragedy would not have happened.

        It sounds as if  the Pardo’s marriage was one of deceipt.  Mr. Pardo had not disclosed to his wife that he had a child from a previous relationship that he did not see, nor did he help support.  It seems that when this child was a toddler in Mr. Pardo’s care; the child ended up in a pool and almost drowned.  The young child is now around the age of 7 ; but, Bruce Pardo kept this child a secret from his wife.  She discovered that the child existed by going through tax papers and finding out that he claimed the child as a dependent.  He denied the situation and Sylvia called her mother in law who confirmed that a child did in fact exist and was disabled.   She filed for divorce…he did not want it.

       It seems that during this time…Bruce also lost his job and then was ordered, by the court, to pay support to his soon to be ex-wife.  By all appearances…Bruce did his best to follow through on the court’s dissolution of his marriage….yet, all along he planned his revenge on the woman who divorced him and those who were closest to her and helped her to leave him. 

        Bruce rented two vehicles and he had things planned out.  He had an extra large Santa suit made up for him.  It seems that at the annual party, Santa always showed up.  He went to the home with a gift in his hand…when the door was opened by a young 8 year old girl…he opened fire, shooting her in the face.  He then went about shooting and looking for specific people.  After he shot the people he went looking for…he then used a homemade device to set the home on fire; inadvertantly causing himself 3rd degree burns when part of the Santa suit melted into his skin from the incendiary device he used to start the fire.

         People in the home had tried to hide and some were able to flee.  A sister of Sylvia’s escaped to a neighbors with the young 8 year old girl who was shot in the face.  She was able to call 911.  After starting the fire, Bruce Pardo shot out street lights…allegedly to help further his escape. 

         People are speculating that he had plans to shoot his own mother who was planning on attending the Christmas party, at her ex-daughter in laws parents home.  She felt ill that evening and was not able to attend.  Bruce blamed his mother for siding with Sylvia in the divorce.    Also allegedly a possible victim of violence was the divorce lawyer who represented Sylvia.  One of the rental vehicles was sitting near the lawyers home. 

        It appears that Bruce changed his plans after he was burned.  It is thought that he was in great pain.  He allegedly had purchased a plane ticket for Illinois to go there and cross the state line into Iowa to see a friend.  He also had about 17,ooo.oo dollars plastic wrapped to his body.   Instead of implementing those plans…he drove approximately 30-40 miles to his brothers home and broke in and shot himself dead.

         What is hard to understand is; didn’t anyone who knew him or had occasion to spend time with him, during the weeks preceding the violence, see his mental breakdown?  Was he so good at hiding his wrath that he was able to misleed the people in his life?  Or did he isolate himself a this time?

         Those familiar with the divorce situation say that he seemed almost eager to have it over with.  The neighbors say that he was friendly and even wished them a Merry Christmas after telling them he was attending a Christmas party. 

          People who knew him said he was a friendly guy.  They are shocked.  And yet, a close friend of Sylvia allegedly said that Sylvia said he changed almost immediately after the marriage.  He became secretive.  Others say that Bruce had a secret guilt about the child that was gravely injured on his watch.  The mother of the child allegedly says that he was involved when the child was in the hospital; but then…he didn’t visit nor did he support the child.  In fact, he kept the child a secret from many…including his new wife.

         The thing is…people who struggle with mental health issues dont always get the help that they need.  Bruce Pardo needed that kind of help to cope with the feelings that he had from the tragedy that happened to his child.  He needed support and counseling to heal up from the guilt that he most likely felt after the child was injured.  He needed to have pre-marital counseling to help him break the news of this part of his life to his intended wife. 

          Sylvia needed a husband who could share this past with her.  She needed him to seek marriage counseling when their marriage appeared to flounder shortly after it began.  She needed some indication that the man she married was deeply disturbed and capable of such violence.  She needed protection from the man that she fell in love with. 

          Experts will tell you that people who are in a state of flux…or life changes are often the most vulnerable for domestic violence.  This is a dangerous time when emotions are raw and assets or custody rights are at stake.  Passions are running high.  It should almost  be mandatory to have to have some sort of counseling to help people through the maze of emotion and legal wrangling that takes place.

          I can’t help but to think of those that lost their lives and those who were left behind to deal with the aftermath.  God help them.  The things that they saw and heard will live with them for a very long time.  And what about those who weren’t there; but, were directly affected such as Bruce Pardo’s mother or his brother.  What about them?  People need to pray for all of them.  They are not responsible for his actions…and yet, they are directly affected by them as much as Sylvia’s family and friends.  His brother…can you imagine…how will he ever be able to go back into his home?  He has to wonder…why did his brother come there to commit suicide?   His mother…she was obviously friendly with Sylvia and her family; how will she relate to the surviving members?  They are all hurting…will they be able to help support one another or will it be too painful for them to see each other?

          So many questions and so few answers.  The thing is…unfortunately…people who are depressed or going through trauma often don’t think past the moment, about the long term effects of their actions.  It is the survivors that are left to cope with both the questions and the answers.

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