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Archive for the ‘marriage’ Category

       Have you ever known someone who is in a totally disfunctional relationship and just seems destined to repeat patterns of negative and destructive behaviors?  I was thinking on this last night with a young teenaged couple that i know.  They spend all of their time together…fighting…hurting…crying…begging…breaking up…for-giving….manipulating…emotional arm wrestling…isolating…and starting all over again.  They are on the phone…or in person…tuning everyone else out..until they self-destruct.  Then, the explosion, they want everyone to feel their pain.  When counseled…all they can think about is “fixing it” and getting back together.  They get back together all right…but nothing ever gets fixed.  It is an emotional war that definately takes prisoners.

        Then today, someone else that i care about deeply…has decided to once again go up for a heaping dose of all you can eat at the salad bar of pain and abuse.  Taking a little taste of negativity, nibbling on a chunk of guilt large enough to choke a horse, a dip of put downs and innuendo, a spoonful of diced self esteem, add a sprinkling of despair, a serving sized dollop of loneliness, add a slice of isolation, a bowl of anger, and lets not forget a huge serving of accusation.  Hey, you’ve already paid the price…there is no limitation on how much you can have…it is there if you only want more.  (more…)

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        Have you ever known a couple that is going through a serious trial in their marriage?  What about when one partner wants a divorce and one does not?  Have you ever wondered how hard someone should fight for their marriage?

         I know someone who is going through the battle to save their marriage.  He says he didn’t know how to show love.  His marriage was jepardized because of it.  He grew up with a father that was only able to show his love by working hard for his family…he didn’t know how to express it in any other way.  His children grew up to repeat those patterns.

         Now another generation is struggling to find ways to communicate love and devotion…but it may be too late.  His wife is ready to move on.  And yet, he still hangs in there…sacrificing his own wants and needs to bend over backwards to give her control over what happens to their future.  Not knowing if she will stop the divorce before it happens…not knowing if she can even remember what drew them together in the first place.

            She admits that she wants Prince Charming.  When she wanted to work on the marriage…he didn’t realize the depth of the issues.  He was in denial.  She was tired of trying to fix things on her own.  Things never got fully resolved.

          The hurt goes deep.  The clock is ticking…the legal proceedings are moving along.  Can it be saved in time before the divorce takes place…maybe, but they both have to want it.  They both have to find news ways of communicating with each other without falling into old patterns of behavior.  No one is blameless in this…we all are products of our previous relationships in family and romance.  Is it possible to move on and be happy if you can’t resolve the problems from your present relationships?  I hope healing can take place.

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      So today was a great day.  After a very long, work filled week; we took a family day.  We went out for a ride to another local town.  We went to lunch and then as a family we went shopping.  My hubby found something that he has said he wanted for years.  We splurged on ourselves for once…not something we often do.

         The thing that has often been a subject of my husband’s desire?  Well, it was a down filled mattress topper.  That was a bit pricey…but hey, he has wanted one for years…and since we can’t afford a new bed…this was the next best thing. (more…)

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      Once again the term an honor killing, has hit the news.  A  Pakistani father, Chaudhry Rashid living in Georgia, who had arranged a marriage for his 25 year old daughter Sandeela Kanwal, is being accused of killing her when she expressed that she no longer wished to be married to the man (who she had not seen in recent months as he lives in Chicago). 

      Sandeela Kanwal was unhappy with the arranged marriage and wished to divorce.  Her father allegedly strangled her to death out of a cultural sense of family honor that was in jeaparody in his mind.   He was so angry that he chose to end her life, rather than admit that a marriage he had helped to arrange was not working out well. 

       Did he put so little value in his daughter’s happiness that he put his own sense of embarassment, about the failure of the marriage, ahead of her life?  Obviously she respected her father’s wishes and married the man her father had picked out for her.  There must have been a compelling reason for her to wish to leave the marriage. What I want to know is…how is family honor preserved by killing one’s own daughter?  How is it more honorable to murder than it is to divorce; in any culture? 

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       Heather Locklear has reached out for some professional help.  It seems that she has been struggling with depression and anxiety for a while now. She is in a treatment facility to get diagnosis for what ails her and to re-evaluate her medications.  Within the last couple of years Heather has been in the news regarding some of her relationships…those with some of her friends and her personal romantic relationships.  It would seem that she has had alot going on in her life to sort through.  (more…)

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        Do you know anyone who has gone through a divorce and lost friends?  Maybe you have gone through it yourself…you split from your spouse and not only do you lose family members, share custody of the children and pets, but….now…maybe you have friends that will choose sides and support their spouse of choice!

        Well, that is the way i sort of view the fight between duel celebs Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen.  It is turning into a battle royale; she said/he said.  The things that are being said of one another are ugly.  They are mean and they are vicious.  There is name calling and finger pointing and childish behavior…all in all…your typical divorce nightmare.

       Because both Denise and Charlie are actors they each have their share of “friends”.  The court of public opinion is gearing up for a doosey of a declaration of alliance.  No…the public really has no say in how the court decides in the custody battle for their children; however, both Denise and Charlie are making sure that we know their business.

       I have to say that in most peoples breakdown of marriages it is a long, lonely and painful time for all involved.  In the world of celebrity marriages sometimes it is hard to tell who is really hurting going through a divorce and who is just trying to influence public opinion with all of the PR spin-doctoring that is done.

         As far as Charlie and Denise go…i have to say that i think that like most families who go through a divorce it is the children who suffer the most.  However, i think that both Denise and Charlie are not blameless in the face that they are presenting to the world…it would be wise for them both to remember that someday their girls are going to be old enough to read and hear interviews that they each have done about their marital relationship before and after the divorce.

       With Denise putting her life on a reality show…it will all be there in full color for the girls to see and hear.  All of their hurts and anger will come through and influence their life choices.   Charlie has left a negative and bitter impression about his opinion of Denise in no uncertain terms.  He has allegedly called her vile names that most people would not choose to label women no matter how low of an opinion they have…he has allegedly called her very derogatory names and also racist names.  He even further lowered many peoples level of respect for him as a person by attacking Denise’s mother who was dying of cancer.

       Doesn’t Charlie know that many of his fans/viewers are people who’s lives have been affected by cancer as well?  How does he think that makes them feel?  It would be really a very healing thing if the judge in charge of their divorce would order them to go into family counseling; even if it was, just for the sake of their children!  Live your lives people and move on…time is short…don’t waste it on negative energy trying to get revenge on someone that you pledged your life and love to at one time!  Live and let live…give your children at least a minimum of respect for their other parent.

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