Between Fear and Faith

     As a Christian I am struggling with the line between fear and faith.  My parents are both cancer survivors.  However, right before Christmas they both had tests done that have come back with suspicious results.

       I listen to my mother say that she is not going to get worked up until she talks with the doctor about the results.  In general, I agree with that.   My mother is pretty much a positive thinker, which is a great thing.

         My father is cut out of a different cloth.  He automatically thinks negatively; he can’t seem to help it.  His mind goes to the worst case scenerio.  It is experience related…he has had the worst case scenerio happen to him before…so he just expects that to be his luck.   Both mom and dad will be meeting up with their respective cancer doctors before the first week of January is over.

          I am a product of both of my parents.  I am at times a positive thinker….and at times, automatically hit the negativity zone.  I don’t like it that that is true; but, it is honest.  I work hard attempting to focus on the positives.

           The problem is…fear.  I fear hearing the situations that they are facing will possibly return them to the medical world of tests, surgeries, treatments, complications, and hospitalizations.  This is a world that is both isolating and overwhelming, with people.  🙂  I realize that that sounds contrary….but, it isn’t.  

     You are surrounded with people in the medical field….this specialist, that oncologist, the anestesiologist (sp?), the radiologist, the pharmacist, the dietician, the family doctor, the nurses, the insurance company…the list goes on and on.  The isolation comes when you must seperate yourself from the general population because of the possibility of infection.  The isolation that the patient feels when heading in for the surgery or the treatment…no-one else can do those things for them.  It is in isolation that fear takes root and does it’s dirty work.  Discouragement can set in…thwarting all of the good and positive things that are at work in the healing process.

     The thing is, once you have been a survivor…your history can limit treatments.  It can also be eye opening to the types of situations you may be facing this time around.  My mother has  developed conditions that can be life threatening, since the last time around.  Both my mother and father had difficult side effects and complications from their various treatments, in the past.

     I am a firm believer that God is in control of everything.  I don’t claim to understand the mind of God.  But, i know that he allows things to happen that are very difficult to go through.  If left to our own devices…most human beings would opt out of the difficult things and shoot straight for the easy path…myself included.  My head knows that much can be learned during these hard moments in life…that God has things for us to gain in those moments.  I know he has things to be accomplished during those moments…he puts people in our path for us to connect with and to share with.  We will do our best to bring glory to his name throughout.  For he is worthy of praise in all things.

        So, I will work at praying that God will have mercy…that he will guide and direct us as we face these additional challenges.  I will ask for wisdom, clarity, patience, faith, courage, strength, healing, financial blessings, and any area of lacking; that we may need to overcome in the face of these trials.  

       What i am thankful for, is that we don’t have to pray for love or sharing; or, willing family members to help out.  We are blessed in those areas.  We are a family that knows how to support one another; and, whoever is in need around us, at the time.   Roomates have often been the recipients of the overflow of our big family.  There have been roomates that had no one to look out for them…they were alone in their journey.  My family is nurturing in nature.   I am thankful for that compassionate part of our family. 

     I am thankful for those in the medical community who also have compassion, skill, knowledge and who are sensitive in the way that they go about promoting healing to their patients and their family members.  They are our allies in the war that has been declared on our loved ones..they are on the front lines of battle trying to help our loved ones to have a full and healthy life; so we pray for all of them who will have contact with us.  We respect their skill and dedication.

     We have so much to be thankful for…and, we are.  Are we greedy to wish for health and financial blessings to meet the demands put on the family as we go thru these things?  I don’t think so.   I know that God has a purpose; I pray that we realize it and make the most of it as he would desire us to do.  I am just selfish enough to wish, as Jesus did on the cross, that this cup would pass from out of our hands; if God so desires. 

         Again…the line blurrs between faith and fear that these medical challenges may not pass from us!

           

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A Sense Of Accomplishment

       Today was one of those days where…i felt..i had little to contribute in my normal sphere of interaction.  Others relieved me of my duties out of a regular shifting of schedules and it was an opportunity to rest and relax.  It was nice…but…feeling a little lost as i was out of my normal comfort zone.  It didn’t help that i have been fighting sinus pain and pressure, off and on, for a month or so…today, it was right there…my constant companion.

        However, when i got home…i had an agenda.  I “needed” to clean, process, and can some tomatoes that have been sitting in a box…silently taunting me with their presence.  I was procrastinating for the last couple of days…because i hadn’t been feeling well. 

         Since the sinus pressure was not going away…i had strengthened my resolve to get those babies canned; and, to do the same with the salsa that i had prepared days ago and was letting “marinate” in my fridge waiting for the primo opportunity to put them up!  I had made a committment to myself.

          I dug in and got to work.  I feel good because i actually like canning once I get it started.  It is getting prepared and getting started that annoys me.  I just want to see progress…my impatience is showing i guess.

            When my hubby gets home from his business trip tomorrow…he will find the table littered with my accomplishments.  The jars have to sit undisturbed for 24 hours before they can be moved.  But that is fine with me…it is the “proof” of what setting your mind to accomplishing your goals can achieve.  Now, i have a bit of tomato juice prepared for the winter as well as some wonderful, homemade salsa, all ready to go!  Tomorrow is the first day of fall…that means that winter is right around the corner.  Time to get prepared for it…by being a good steward of the harvest season.

          Ahh…now on to the preserving of the squash!  Oh my…we are blessed…thank you God for providing for us! 

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What Have You Sacrificed Trying To Achieve Your Dream?

        Dreams are pretty important stuff, did you know that?  Most of us live our lives with a dream tucked away in our hearts.  Every now and again we take it out, polish it up with our tears and a loving swipe with a soft cloth, all the while going over the reasons why now is not the time to make them come true.  Regrets for not achieving our dreams can eat away at a person’s soul.  Why doesn’t everyone who has a dream try to make them come true?   Oh there are many reasons; don’t you know any of them? 

         There is never enough money, too many people are depending on us to keep our heads and not risk too much, health problems, demands on our time, a shortage of support, self doubt, low self esteem, fear, fear of failure, lack of hope, a lack of encouragement from others, a need for security, no experience with stepping out on faith, trust issues & even more amazingly, people are afraid of success, wow !; You get the idea…i could fill up this page with reasons why some people not to enable their dreams into become reality.

         So what is the secret that dream achievers have discovered that allowed them to turn a thought, a wish, a dream into reality?  You would have to ask each person what it was that was the turning point; the part where the light bulb came on and they pushed through and turned a corner from underachiever to dream accomplisher. 

          Each person’s answer would probably surprise you.  Each answer would be correct because the very thing that allowed them to move forward and achieve, I suspect is also the very issue that held them back in the first place. 🙂  Get it…i think that is the key, facing the issue that is holding you back and discovering how to use it as a tool to overcome and succeed!  Ahhh ha…the light bulb comes on, the key is placed in your hand, you now have the ability to turn it in the lock and walk through the door to success.

           But a successful dream has a price, for each successful dream there is a cost…a sacrifice.  Nothing that is worth anything of real lasting  value comes without a personal sacrifice.  When we sacrifice to accomplish the things that mean the most to us…we are showing our dedication, our commitment to it, we are acknowledging how valuable the goal is by how much we sacrifice.  Is it scary?  You bet.  Does it work?  Sometimes…but it is important to note that you have to have 100% commitment to achieving your goal…no wishy washy half hearted attempt will get you where you want to be.   Is your sacrifice worth the price?  Only you know the answer to that.  Know what you are giving up to achieve your dream and understand the consequences; and, be ready to accept them as the cost…otherwise…you might achieve your dream and loose something equally important or more imporant, to you than the dream!!!!  Communicate with your loved ones and make sure that your goals are in alignment with your most important relationships…that you have their support!  How much more powerful will your accomplishments be, when those you cherish most are backing you up?

          So what have you sacrificed to achieve your dream?  Are you satisfied?  Did you trade up your sacrifice, for your dream…or, did you make an error in judgement; and, cost yourself your dream and your sacrifice?  It is important to have your priorities in place to have your dream, and be happy with the purchase price.   Tell us what have you sacrificed to achieve your dream!!!

          Did you know that accomplishing your dreams can have a huge impact on others?  Sometimes, achieving your dreams can help lift up others, who don’t even know you.  Think of Michael Phelps the Olympic swimmer who just won 8 Olympic gold medals…he has inspired many, to reach out and try for their goals and dreams.  Most of us don’t collect medals for our dreams; but still, we accomplish milestones which feel like a nice shiny medal to us!  What motivates a person to achieve their goals, hopes and their dreams?

           I know of a group of people who are stepping out on faith…they are sacrificing much, to do so…they are going to walk in scary places…they don’t know all of the risks…but still…their commitment to helping others achieve their dreams is going full throttle…they are called the Impact Boot Camp Action Team.  They are headed to Philadelphia this weekend to learn important skills and techniques that will enable some very special person or organization to achieve their dream of impacting others in a positive uplifting way.  Read all about it here:  https://writeasrain.wordpress.com/2008/07/30/impact-action-team-makes-a-difference-in-the-world-through-boot-camp-training/  

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Patience…I dont have time for that!

       Patience…I don’t have time to wait for that!  Have you ever been in a hurry…under pressure and yet you are forced to wait out circumstances before you can know the outcome?  No inside information, no sneak peaks, no instant information at the blink of an eye…nothing, but a huge measure of patience will do!  Yeah, don’t ya just hate waiting?

       Today is one of those kind of days.  Waiting…waiting and then some more waiting.  It seems like torture when something important in your life depends on others; or, on circumstances that are out of your own timing or control. 

        The frustration builds and builds until you feel like you could blow a gasket.  I am trying to teach myself not to get so fried when life gets this way.  Today i am in a wait and see kind of mode.  The outcome is financial and the end to a creative process that took many, many months. 

         I pray that all things fall into place as they should and that there are no glitches or problems that negatively affect the outcome.  It isn’t even my creative process this time that is hanging by a thread…but it is someone important to me.  I wish all success both financial and creative. 

        To God be the glory in this and all things.  The Bible says in Hebrews 6:12, “We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised”.  Sounds like good advice to me.  I will try.

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