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Posts Tagged ‘daughter’

       By now, most of you have probably heard about the derranged daddy who destroyed the lives of at least 8 people.  They lived in Austria.  He locked his 18 year old daughter in his specially designed, tiny basement for 24 years.  He abused her;  impregnating her 7 times.  One of the babies died soon after birth; and, the father allegedly put the baby into the furnace.  What a psychological nightmare…something out of an almost unbelievable book of fiction; that noone wants to read.

        Over the years, he had the daughter write a letter saying she could not care for her 3 of her children…after she “disappeared”.  The mother raised three of the children.  How could she do this and not push for some answers?  Did she push for answers?  Or was she just as abused in her own way by this man?   Three more of the children were locked in this basement along side of their mother.  This is the only world they have ever known.  The trauma,fear and pain they must all be in seems almost too much to bear.

       Many people are saying…did the mother know> how could she NOT know?>why would she not push to know more>   There is so much that we do not understand at this time; i am afraid there will be even more horrors to come out in time.  For instance, who helped him build this basement with secretive rooms?  Why didn’t authorities search his home when the daughter went missing?  How did food and water…and other basic necessities keep them alive without SOMEONE KNOWING?  And if someone did know…how could they not do something to end this world of pain and suffering?  There are more questions than answers at this point in time.

       The father admits this horror is true.  His daughter and her three children, that were confined, are getting help; but it may take a lifetime.  But truly, is any amount of help ever going to allow these poor people to live a normal life?   They certainly deserve to live in peace and safety. 

        What about the three children who lived “upstairs” with their grandmother and for lack of a better term GRANDFATHER?  Were they abused?  How will they process the fact that they lived right above their mother and siblings?  How will they deal with the knowledge that their mother and siblings lived like caged animals while they did not?  There is going to be long term mental health treatment for all of these people. 

        They have never had education, normal human interaction, health care, or freedom.  It must be a bit like flying into space and finding an alien environment and being forced to land there and function. 

         And let’s talk about the father…how does someone become such a detached person to cause such damage to those you are “wired” to love and protect in a normal way?  What a contemptible situation for human beings to be in. 

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      This past two weeks has been rough on a young widow.  Her husband was killed in Irag on March 31.  Kynesha Dhanoolal, the widow, wanted to save his sperm as she and her husband had talked often, of having children together.  She wants to be the mother of his children.

     It appears that a will was not on file anywhere and the military had papers designating Kynesha’s husband’s (Dayne) mother as the person to whom the right of handling his remains; should anything happen to him.  It would appear that Kynesha’s mother- in- law at first was not in agreement of harvesting her son’s sperm, initially.

      Days were spent in discussion before an agreement took place.  Experts say that the sperm may not be viable anymore.  It seems after a man’s death…the sperm loose their mobility and their viability to fertilize an egg within hours.  The harvesting didn’t take place until 4 days after his death and that means that the potential to create a baby has definately lessoned.  It would be a miracle it sounds like if a child was to be conceived.

       I can understand wanting a baby together.  I can understand having the choice to have the child of her husband…however, he was in the military.  He is unfortunately no longer alive to help her raise the child or support the child financially.  This whole situation will open a bunch of legal and moral questions.

        If she is blessed with a pregnancy from her husband’s sperm…will her pregnancy be covered under military benefits?  Since the father is no longer alive would the child be entitled to social security benefits?  Would tax payers be responsible for the support of this future child.  Since the potential conception can only take place by artificial insemination…will that be procedure be paid for by military benefits? With the father gone; who will be a positive male role model for the child?   

         Having lost her husband…i am sure all of those issues are not at the forefront of Mrs. Dhanoolal’s mind.  She is grieving the loss of her young husband.  She is grieving the loss of her dreams of having a child with the man she loves.  I am sure she is regretful of having to force such a request on the mother of her husband as she is grieving the loss of her son.  This, I am sure has added another aspect of grieving for both women.  If, after having to wait for those four days, a pregnancy does not occur will the daughter-in-law blame the mother-in-law for not agreeing sooner?   

         If the expert is correct and the sperm is no longer able to produce a pregnancy…the grieving will continue for both women.  There will be no child or grandchild from the man that they both loved.  The war in Iraq has stolen another generation from another family.  The whole thing is very sad.  This service man and his family has sacrificed what so many others have sacrificed before him…a future with their loved ones. 

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      I have a daughter that was  diagnosed as bi-polar years ago.  I can tell you that living and loving someone afflicted with bi-polar disorder, or what used to be called manic-depression is not an easy thing.

        Alot of the behaviors that seem common or typical to the disease is very distressing.  There are alot of up and down emotions for both the patient and anyone who cares for them.  Pain and shame seem to be a big part of the picture for both the person and their loved ones. (more…)

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