The Secret To Overcoming Challenges

        I have been observing alot of situations in the news and in the events that happen around me…I’ve come to the conclusion that the secret in overcoming any challenges or events in life has to be in deciding not to let any circumstances or event define the rest of your life.  I think a person’s attitude or determination is the key factor.

        Have you ever known someone who has gotten stuck in life?  You know…the the type of person who just can’t seem to be able to get past a certain event, challenge or obstacle?  It is a person who dwells on all of the lost opportunities in life; any negative situations they have encountered, the after-effects or consequences from a trauma or difficulty that they have faced; events that have been a cross road in their life.  We all have them; so what determines who overcomes and who seems to be buried under a load of defeat? 

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Dangerous Liaisons-Drew Peterson’s Fiance Moves In

      Wow, I can’t imagine, as a parent, how horrifying it would be to me to have one of my daughter’s move in with someone who was suspected of killing not one but possibly two of his wives.   However, that is the exact scenerio that Ernest Raines, father of Christina Raines-Drew Peterson’s fiance, is facing this week. 

       Ernest Raines is extremely worried and concerned that his 24 year old daughter has moved out of the residence that she shared with her previous boyfriend, and moved in with Drew Peterson the former police sergeant from Chicago. 

        Christina and Drew became engaged in December after becoming involved with one another approximately four months previous to that.  Drew has been considered a suspect, by many, in the  suspicious disappearance of his fourth wife Stacy at the end of October 2007.  Drew’s third wife , died under mysterious circumstances, in 2004, and that death has recently been classified as a homicide. 

        It is no wonder that Christina’s father Ernest is seriously concerned about his daughter’s well being considering the fact that 2 of Drew’s 4 wives have either gone missing or died under questionable circumstances.  Not only has Christina moved into Drew’s home; but , so have her very young children, ages 4 and 5. 

        Christina is a legal adult and is free to make her own choices regarding her personal life; even if she doesn’t believe that she is in some kind of danger.  However, she is the parent of two young children and it’s not good parenting to put them in the middle of a situation where they could possibly be in danger. 

          Parents across the nation have had their children removed from their custody for lesser reasons.  There are reports that the two young children’s birth father, Tony Yauk,  has allegedly been asking authorities how he goes about getting custody of those children.  If  I were in his position…I would do the very same thing. 

          If you are a parent who perceives that your children are in danger and you do nothing…that is considered failure to protect.  I would ask Christina if her relationship with Drew Peterson is worth the possible loss of custody of her biological children?  Shouldn’t your own flesh and blood come before any romantic relationship?  If  her relationship with Drew is so important to her …maybe she should consider relinquishing custody to the father of her children; or, maybe even to her own parents or relatives; if they are appropriate people to be caregivers.

         You also have to wonder about a woman who would start a relationship with a man who is 30 years older than her; who has also been the subject of much speculation regarding previous relationships.  How do you put those concerns aside and consider becoming his 5th wife and move your children into that environment?  What needs, of Christina’s, are being met by being romatically involved with Drew Peterson?  Why would Drew Peterson want more attention drawn to him after all of this time of scrutiny from the authorities and the media?

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Virginity For Sale-That’s Not Innocence

      I recently read a story about a young woman in San Diego; I won’t mention her name, as i really don’t want to give her any more notoriety than she has already created for herself.   Not to mention, I personally hope that she changes her mind about her decision to sell her virginity to the highest bidder. 

      For whenever a product is sold…there is a give and take; and while it may seem that the money is worth the loss of something that she values less than the money…it doesn’t mean that the trade of her integrity is the right thing to do.  Integrity is a core value in a person.  It is the state of being whole or undiminished; of adherring to moral or ethical principals; of honesty.  While she may be honest in her expectations of the deal…it does deminish the perception of who she is that she could or would sell herself to a person who would basically rent her body.  How will a future mate value her “virtue” if she herself devalues it?

      This 22 year old woman has received a bid for 3.7 million dollars for the one time gift of her virginity.  She allegedly got the idea to sell “it” after her sister allegedly prostituted herself for 3 months to pay for her college education.  Wow…is this like a family tradition or what?  I am sorry but, I am thinking this whole thing is wrong on so many levels.

        First off, the idea of selling your virginity is not my idea of innocence.  Evidently, it isn’t the dictionary’s idea of innocence either.  The definition of innocence is:  the quality or state of being innocent;  freedom from sin or moral wrong;  simplicity or lack of guile;  naivete;  lack of knowledge or understanding; freedom from legal or specific wrong; or, harmlessness.

       This young woman may have a lack of sexual experience…however, she is not innocent or “unknowing”.  She does understand what she is about to do.  She knows that she is selling a “product-herself” for a large sum of money.  She appears to understand that there are some people in this world who are willing to possess that “physical innocence” for a sum of money…even though that innocence is fleeting.  The logic of paying mutiple millions of dollars for something this empty escapes me…I can’t help but to ponder, what type of person would consider something of this nature. 

      She allegedly said that she believes that both herself and the person that she does “it” with will both profit greatly from the deal.  For herself, she plans to use some of the money to pay for an advanced degree in family and marriage therapy.  Hmmmmm…interesting!  Personally, I think it brings a whole new meaning to the idea of a profit/loss statement.   

       I wonder if she may someday have to use some of that money to pay for counseling once she takes that step into a marriage of her own…when both she and her future spouse have to come to terms with the physical and/or, psychological consequences of her actions regarding her virginity.  Money is a poor balm to a mind and a soul that is damaged from selling itself to the highest bidder.  Will she be able to trust that the person she chooses to marry is marrying her for herself and not for her money?  Will she be able to find a person to love her, who can find kernels of a person of value…after she devalues herself, as a person, by selling her body? 

       After all, this isn’t a person who is being forced to sell herself…nor is she selling herself to “survive”; she is making a conscious choice to sell her body for money.  When it is over, will she consider that she traded up?

       Back to the definitions of innocence…freedom from sin or moral wrong (decay)…while some may try to deny that selling your body is wrong morally…the soul knows it’s worth.  That is what a conscience is for.  It gets troubled and disturbed when you do things that go against spiritual purity.  That is a safety valve built within our very beings…it is designed by God to help us turn away from the very choices that have the ability to destroy us for eternity.  That is my opinion.

       Now, most anyone over the age of 10 understands about the exposure to STD’s from having sex with multiple partners.  This woman does not pretend to have a future with the person who will use her for this sexual experience.  That means that someday, she will eventually have other experiences with someone.  She herself admits that she is using this unknown person, in my opinion, by alluding to the fact that she is in it for the money.   I think in her mind, it is a straight up exchange of money for the sexual pleasure of sharing this 1st sexual experience with her.   This decision could have lifelong impact on both her life and, that of this invisible person with excess money; not to mention…her future sexual partners and or, any children that she may have someday.   In my book…exchanging sexual favors for money is prostitution and is illegal in California, last I knew. 

      Not that people don’t get involved in prostitution…however, they do get arrested for it; prostitution is a crime!    What do you think of this situation?

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Death Watch Online-How Could They Do Nothing?

       I remember back when i was in high school, back in the 80’s, we had a class on social issues.  In that class we discussed high profile situations in our society; which underscored how desensitized our society was becoming to people in pain and misery.

       There was a case of a woman who was stabbed over and over again in New York.  She was screaming and people heard it and yet they did nothing.  Later, when the police were investigating…people stated that they heard it; but, they did not want to “get involved”. 

         I remember thinking, during that discussion, that that was crazy; an isolated incident.  Not so, as i have grown up and matured, I find that people really are becoming desensitized to other people’s pain and misery.  It is crazy but think about it…how many movies have put murder and torture out there for entertainment value…such as those horror flicks or slasher movies?  It is not only sad…but, it is immoral.   Those things desensitize our fellow human beings to the value of life.

         How many television shows continue to shoot, rape, rob, torture and victimize others and draw in millions of viewers each and every day?  How do we expect people to have compassion towards one another?  We need to reconnect to those around us; this is something that affects us all.  Children are growing up today who have great difficulty seeing past their own wants and needs.  Adults who are willing to commit violence to get what they want…no matter who they hurt or kill.  Parents who kill children, children who kill parents, siblings, neighbors or friends.  It is as if they do not know how to “feel” appropriately towards anyone outside of themselves.

        Today, i am brought to a deeper sadness than I have felt in a long time regarding our nation and the lack of compassion that our citizens show towards one another. 

         A young man in Florida committed suicide online while others watched and egged him on.  He posted a suicide note…he live-streamed his suicide online; while people WATCHED and did nothing to HELP him.  Not only that, they allegedly ridiculed him and said things like…that isn’t enough medication to kill you!  What amazes me, is that this went on for hours and hours before someone had the good sense to contact the authorities to try to get help for him.   It was too late; he was already dead!

         There are reports that this person may have attempted to kill himself in the past.  So what; so what if it was a false alarm…who and what does it hurt to contact the authorities and have it checked out?  If that person was faking it…he would have been sent somewhere for a psychological exam to find out why he would do such a thing.  Maybe, just maybe he would still be alive today if someone had made an attempt to help him; when he FIRST stated his intention to kill himself.   

         Unfortunately, the young man was not faking the suicide attempt…he was actually crying out for help.  There were many people who had an opportunity to get involved, save a life, make a difference…and yet…they did not.  How can a human being watch another person suffer in front of their very eyes and pile more emotional damage upon that person?  Even if they thought it was a prank, even if they thought the person was not serious, even if they thought it was a waste of time…they failed to react with compassion.  How much more of an effort would it have taken to pick up the phone…or contact the online service that provided the streaming video and asked for someone to follow up on the person’s well-being?  Someone finally did contact help…but…it was much too late for saving his life; but, at least they made an attempt.

           I sure would not want my mind filled with the image of that young man lying on his bed with his back to the camera; filled with despair and depression…curled up in defeat…knowing that he died as I watched and took no action to save his life.  Every life has value and should be preserved.  My heart aches for him, for his family and for his friends…and yes, even for those who watched him die.  They will have to live with the knowledge of what they saw, what they said and did; and, did not do to help a fellow human being in distress.

           Many people in our society are affected by mental illness, or by depression.  It is not a crime…however, it is a crime to fail to get someone help when they need it.  I don’t know if any of those who participated in this suicide by watching it will be held legally responsible or not…but, I do think that they had a moral obligation to get involved in a way that would have attempted to provide some emergency help for this individual.  Depression is a serious matter and so is a suicide attempt.   Please help to educate others on suicide prevention!  https://writeasrain.wordpress.com/2008/08/23/suicide-prevention/ or on what happens to a suicide victim’s loved ones after the suicide:  http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=6311509

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Olympic Opportunities-Michael Phelps

          Do you remember in the old days when someone won gold in the Olympics; they maybe made the cover of a cereal box or got a television commercial?  These days, with all of the open access to micro media (social networking)…a savy person, or someone with the bucks to hire a  skilled publicist, has the whole world at their feet if they so choose.

           Michael Phelps must be either very savy with the micro media, or he has the bucks for the publicist :).  News came right away that he was going to be working on writing a book.   Keeping his name in the forefront of the media is a wise thing; it will help him to sell his book in large numbers; which publishers love!   He has done the traditional celebratory thing and went to Walt Disney World for a colorful photo op.  He has even been making the rounds in the traditional media mags like People who try to dig into his personal life…like the romance department. 

          Evidently, he has been in training for more than the Olympics as he learned somewhere how to evade direct responses to requests for said information on his love life, haha.  I say go for it Michael…it’s is no-ones business unless you choose to make it public knowledge.  Of course, that doesn’t stop the speculators who suggest that he is involved with a former beauty queen from California, by the name of Nicole Johnson.

           Michael Phelps is also keeping busy by expanding his skill set.  He is going to be on Saturday Night Live on Sept 13th.  It appears that Michael is going to avoid that typical emotional let down, that many feel after competing in the Olympics, when all of the attention shifts from the competitors and their accomplishments to other news of the day.  Smart move…it is never a pretty thing to see a role model who is accomplished, wither on the vine, not knowing what goals to set their sights on next.  Good luck Michael Phelps with your exploration of the world; you seem to be enjoying the experiences as you go, as you should!

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When The Past Threatens To Destroy Your Future

        We are all born into circumstances that we have absolutely no control over.  The best that you can hope for is to maximize the positive and to minimize the negative events, circumstances or experiences.  All of those things, both positive and negative, help to shape us into the person that we become.

        If we start to experience problems in our relationships at work, home, school, or on a personal level with someone special; often, we will discover at the root of the issue, are things left over from our very beginnings in life that are unresolved or unhealed.  When the past threatens to destroy your future you must take time to figure it out; for your well-being and for those who care about you.

        Understanding what the problem is and where it comes from is a turning point.  Don’t get stuck there with excuses why your life isn’t turning out the way you want it to…you don’t have to continue to be held hostage by the past!  

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Mom…Grandmother Of The Year…NOT!

        This was a very sad state of parenthood to learn about.  It seems that a woman in Georgia found out that her teenaged son and his underaged girlfriend were expecting a baby.  Mom or grandmother decided that they weren’t ready for parenthood.  She took it upon herself to contact the girlfriend and convince her NOT to tell her parents about the pregnancy and to have an abortion.  She alienated the girls parents right to love, support, and guide their daughter during one of the most important decisions she would ever make in her lifetime. 

        The boys mother, Cindi Cook, forged a note saying she was the girls mother and gave consent for the abortion.  A judge said she was guilty of interferring with child custody and of breaking the parental notification law regarding abortion.  She will be in jail for a year now because of the guilty verdict.  There may be repercussions for the clinic involved as well; since they allegedly didn’t follow through and verify Cindi Cook’s claim of parentage of the teenaged girl. 

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Support-Either You’ve Got It…Or You Don’t

         Support is a simple enough word; but, more importantly it is a powerful tool.  My dictionary says this about support:  To hold or bear weight, to tolerate, to give assistance, approval or aid.

          Quite often we hear the word in association with divorce as in spousal or child support.  This is usually in regards to finances.  This too is important in life…because truthfully, needing money to survive is a basic necessity in our world.  But there are many types of support that we need to survive.

           We need physical support throughout life such as encouragement through hugs, pat on the back, a kiss, food, water, shelter, a high five now and again.  We need emotional support that carries us through the hard times.  Most often the emotional support comes in the form of a mixture of physical touch and verbal words of encouragement.  When our words and our body language don’t match…people pick up on that and feel rejected.  But when you combine words with positive body language…that has the power to lift people up and help them to overcome obstacles and challenges that they face.

          Today, my family will be supporting three wonderful human beings that our family has been blessed to know.  All three are teachers at the core of who they are…in fact, they are “professionals”…teachers also by trade.

          One teacher, Mrs. K, has been battling cancer since her son was born 4 years ago.  She is a young woman who has given so much to her special education students and their families.  She has been making an impact on those around her by inspiring and teaching even during her illness.  

          Her husband and child have been a source of love and encouragement.  Her former students (she has not been able to work for the last 2 years because of her treatments) have motivated her and connected with her to communicate their love and support for her.  She has touched the lives of so many people that i think it surprises her how many people care about what she is going through.  Today, there is a community fundraiser to help her family out financially; as she continues to fight against the cancer that has spread in her body, even though her treatments have been aggressive.  This community support, i hope, goes along way to bring a surge of love and support to Mrs. K and her whole family.  I pray that they are lifted up and touched by the level of love (and finances) sent their way.

         Today also, we will go and support and celebrate a marital union of two other teachers who have been a big part of our family, for years.  They are blending a family officially and legally.  But more importantly, they are blending a family physically and emotionally.  One is a special education teacher who has been bringing educational support to our community’s families who have children with challenges.  We are blessed to know Mr. S.    His bride, J, will soon be Mrs. S.    She has waited 5 years for this day.  Together they will have 5 children in their family.  “J” has been teaching one of my children in a homeschool environment for the last year.  She has brought much love and support to our family as well.

         The thing about support is that it requires sacrifice.  What you put out there into the world comes back.  Support, either you’ve got what it takes…or you don’t.  Who can you find to support today?

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Dance Results

       Well, last night two of the dancers on Dances with the Stars were the first competitors to be eliminated.  All of the contestants this year are fun, talented and very likeable.  It is always sad to see people leave the show in throughout the process.

         You always think that those who leave the contest in the beginning…probably have the least experience in dance; at the same time once they leave, you truly wonder just how much farther they could have gone in the competition if they could have only had another couple of weeks to develop their skills.

          This time the two eliminated are magician Penn Jillette and the tennis player Monica Seles.  Both people are very accomplished in their own fields.   Both of these contestants for me connected to viewers on an emotional level. 

          Monica because she missed out in her youth with things such as school dances and proms…as she called it the girly girl aspect of life. It was nice (and a little awkward at first) watching her discover this side of her person-hood.  It was a bit like watching your preteen daughter as she enters into the world of self-discovery.  So, yeah, it would have been nice to see her have another week or two…but, unfortunately…the other competitors were more capable.

          Now, Penn Jillette was also a person who let his disovery of the joy of dance shine through.  He is a very tall man.  He showed his vulnerability to me by cracking jokes…but, i do think that he truly loved every minute.  He will probably never be a truly smooth, gifted dancer…but, his ability to wring joy out of the experience touched me.   So again, because he so obviously was having a perfectly wonderful experience…it was sort of sad to see him go!  Or is he?  He vowed for this not to be the end of his dance career; faceticiously saying…that Dances With The Stars wasn’t the only opportunity for a dance career :)!  Gotta love that. 

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Scary

      Well, i did take my kids to the movie The Game.  It was a wonderful movie.  There aren’t too many movies that are family movies; but, i can honestly say..that when this one comes out on dvd…i will buy it.  Had laughs and touching emotional moment in it that made it worth watching.

      When i got home there were 4 messages for me on the answering machine.  Two were from my dad.  That doesn’t happen because my dad doesn’t like talking on the phone. I knew it was important.  It was about my mom.

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