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Posts Tagged ‘guilt’

You know that Bernie Madoff has plead his guilt to the court in the securities fraud case against him, as well as  perjury; however, the investigators who are delving into this long -term Ponzi scam are allegedly, having to investigate his business associates, some of his family members, and his tax accountant too.  There is so much missing money…that many observers automatically assume that the money has been hidden among those that he has personal relationships with; whether that is true or not, remains to be seen.

It leaves the impression of guilt by association, though this is unfortunate, because many of them may not have had any idea about the fraud that was taking place.   I personally doubt whether he advertised the fact of what he was doing, to his friends and family; it isn’t something most people would be proud of.    I am thinking about his wife in particular; did she know where the money in their lives came from?  She is also allegedly, being investigated; and, unless she had direct involvement in the day-to-day business operations…how would she know what he did while he was at work?

Still, if the money in their accounts is  found to be accumulated from the fraud; the government could confiscate it couldn’t they?  His own family members could end up being “victims” of his actions, just as well as, those who lost so much financially!  Bernie will be sentenced for his crimes in June.   What the additional investigation finds, will also determine what happens to the others that are being investigated by their association with Bernie Madoff.  Bernie may have plead guilty, but, if this investigation negatively impacts his friends and family…you have to wonder if he will actually feel any guilt!

In this kind of a case, the cloud of suspicion could literally destroy many more lives than those that have already been destroyed.  If Bernie Madoff could admit his guilt in court…why can’t he just be honest and tell the investigators where the money is?   Maybe if some of the money could be found…maybe some of the people who were ripped off could get some of their money back.  If he is keeping that missing money information to himself…it could destroy those that he supposedly cares about, such as his wife, children, business associates and such.  Let the guilty be found out…and the innocent be proven so; still, what if the money is found  in their accounts without their having knowledge of the scam?

So many lives have been destroyed by this security fraud…this Ponzi scam this abuse of trust, it is sickening.  People have lost so much of their money that they counted on to survive.  It makes a person intensely frustrated and angry that Mr. Madoff will be sitting in a prison cell…getting three meals a day and all of his basic needs will be met; while his “victims” future is still up in the air.  The levels of trust and responsibility that we put in our leaders is immense and needs honored by meeting those levels of trust and responsibility and exceeding it!  This damages everyone’s ability to trust those in authority, who’s decisions affect our lives…has it affected how you trust people?

I have moved my site to a new Url:  WriteWhereYouAre if you are interested in more blog posts!

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      When someone struggles with guilt in a needless way…it can be devastating.  I had a brief conversation with someone who was struggling with it…as she said, her guilt, other people’s guilt; and, she said she needed to let it go; because she worried too much about what other people thought.

      You see, guilt is simply a tool.  One that our subconscious mind uses to help us make good choices in our lives; it is like an early warning detection system.   Guilt tells us we are making a wrong choice.   But like anything, guilt can be misplaced.  Instead of building us up and helping us to build a strong positive character; sometimes guilt runs amok, and instead creates self-doubt, tearing down our self-esteem and helps to destroy the foundation , of who we are as a person. 

        This must be dealt with or a person who struggles with needless guilt, or a disporportionate amount of guilt to any given situation, begins to devalue their own opinions and strengths and begins to give more weight and credibility to those around them.

       I told her she needed to value herself as much as she valued the opinions of others.  It was a simple statement.  She simply needed to worry as much about what she thought of herself as she did about what others thought of her.  You see, when you look in the mirror (or examine your own heart and mind) you have to like who you see; you have to respect yourself.    Later, she said she was better.  I was glad…because she is a person who comes across as a very caring person…a person who does alot for others…and who reaches out.

      Why is it that we are so quick to judge ourselves harshly and so quick to give the benefit of doubt to others?  Each of us does this to some degree.  We have negative thought patterns that we fall victim to…that little negative voice inside our heads; our own personal form of self-doubt.    We must learn to appreciate ourselves in ways that matter.  After all, if we dont value ourselves enough…no one else will either!

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     Ok, I am going to rant a bit for a minute.  Twice this week the news has hit us with two terrible stories about families that self-destructed through murder-suicide.  Two families that were destroyed.  One family in particular left a suicide note allegedly saying that the reason they were dead was because both the husband and the wife lost their jobs…were in debt…and were rejected by their employers.  The other family’s reasons have not yet been announced.  The family members allegedly say that there was no clues to this tragedy.  What i want to know is…can we stop families from hurting the ones that they love?  Yes we can, encourage them to seek help:  http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/  Each time something like this happens…those who were lost leave behind friends, family members, neighbors, acquaintances and community members who are hurt, confused and saddened.   We have to take care of each other and learn to be more in tune with those around us.  (more…)

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      Wow… I just watched a clip from The View today in which Barbara Walters talks about an interview she did with Paula Abdul on her radio show.  http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=6425460

       In the chat fest in the beginning of the show Barbara refers to that interview when she says that Paula has dropped a few explosive bombs about American Idol producers, Fox television, as well as,  Simon Cowell.

         As many of you know, there was an unfortunate young woman who was allegedly obsessed with Paula Adbul who died in front of Paula’s home…allegedly a suicide.  This young woman, Paula Goodspeed, has been supposedly sending letters and trying to make contact with Paula Abdul for something like 17 years, through her fan club. 

         Abdul claims in the radio interview with Barbara Walters that the producers of American Idol knew of this young woman’s obsession and still they allowed her to audition for the three Idol judges.  That audition  appears to have caused much harm; because of the rejection  Paula Goodspeed felt that she was publically humiliated.  Does a show like this carry a  legal and moral responsibility to pre-screen contestants; to make sure that they can handle the criticism that they face on the show?  I think they should.

          Paula Abdul says that she begged the producers and Simon not to allow Ms. Goodspeed to audition…but, against her wishes they allowed her to audition, possibly more than once.  It put her in a terrible position; Paula says that the producers and Simon wished to see her squirm. 

          At some point, Ms. Goodspeed followed Paula Abdul to her home address.  There were other incidents that took place there before the actual suicide took place.  Paula was not home when the suicide took place.  She now has her home for sale i hear; she says she has not slept there since it happened.

         Paula also says that she has lost endorsements and business opportunities because of the public’s perception that she is drunk or stoned on medications; because of the way that she is portrayed on the show.  She says, part of, that is caused by Simon who says crazy things in Paula’s ear piece while she is trying to communicate her “judgement”.   She says, something to the effect, that this is a distraction; and, Simon tries to make her laugh when she is trying to graciously speak to the contestants.

         If these things are true, and she can prove them…i see this turning into a major big, legal deal.  Obviously, Paula is upset about the whole nightmare of the suicide of Paula Goodspeed.  After all, a life was lost and if it is true that it was because of manipulations behind the scenes of the show…then shame on those involved.   There are more important things than ratings of a television show!

         When asked why Paula was still on the show…she apparently, simply said that she is under contract.  Paula also allegedly says that Simon could have at anytime corrected himself and retracted the statements that he has made.  She is under contract for another year; even though, this year there is a fourth judge being brought onto the show.  Just last week, Randy Jackson was on television shows saying not to believe everything people hear about this year’s American Idol.  

           What does this mean?  Is there a mystery here behind the scenes?  Does Paula want out of her contract?  Did this suicide impress on anyone the importance of the impact of the hurtful words that are said to contestants who don’t measure up to the judges expectations?  Is the show going to be legally liable in the young woman’s death?   I wonder, do you anyone feels guilty who was involved in that episode involving young Paula Goodspeed?

          Does this controversy mean that Paula will no longer associate herself with the show after her contract expires?  Time will tell.  I suspect that we have not heard the last of this drama.  What do you think is going on?  Is it alright to do “anything” to get ratings…or, should networks, producers, and the like be held responsible when things go wrong?

* See related story here: https://writeasrain.wordpress.com/2008/11/13/american-idol-judge-idolized/

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       Today news reports say that scientific data collected from the suspect in the murder of Arkansas anchorwoman Anne Pressly confirms the investigator’s belief that the suspect, Curtis Lavell Vance, is guilty of assaulting her and murdering her.  The DNA that they collected from Mr. Vance is also linked to another woman’s rape in April.  Investigators allegedly are 110% convinced that they have the right person in custody!  You have to be pretty sure of someone’s guilt to make that kind of statement.  The authorities must have plenty of evidence to make such a claim…the rest of us will have to wait for that information to be released during a trial of the suspect to have complete understanding.

         Anne’s parents have been speaking out during the six weeks since her murder.  Today, they said that there is evidence that she was also sexually assaulted.  They may want to be careful about what information that they put out for public consumption; they don’t want to give ammunition to the defense of the person who is finally brought to justice for the murder of their daughter.  

       After all, if they get a conviction they will not want it to be overturned on a technicality…they will want that person to pay for murdering their daughter.  Still, in all honesty, it must be extremely difficult to keep quiet when every fiber of their being is probably are calling out for the whole story to be heard and to get justice.  Their emotions as Anne’s parents must be terribly powerful; I know it must take tremendous courage to look upon his face and not want to get revenge.  I know they are Christians…however, their human emotions are subject to extreme ups and downs just like anyone else.   Peace to those who knew her and loved her; and, to the woman who was assaulted in April. 

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       Have you ever known someone who is in a totally disfunctional relationship and just seems destined to repeat patterns of negative and destructive behaviors?  I was thinking on this last night with a young teenaged couple that i know.  They spend all of their time together…fighting…hurting…crying…begging…breaking up…for-giving….manipulating…emotional arm wrestling…isolating…and starting all over again.  They are on the phone…or in person…tuning everyone else out..until they self-destruct.  Then, the explosion, they want everyone to feel their pain.  When counseled…all they can think about is “fixing it” and getting back together.  They get back together all right…but nothing ever gets fixed.  It is an emotional war that definately takes prisoners.

        Then today, someone else that i care about deeply…has decided to once again go up for a heaping dose of all you can eat at the salad bar of pain and abuse.  Taking a little taste of negativity, nibbling on a chunk of guilt large enough to choke a horse, a dip of put downs and innuendo, a spoonful of diced self esteem, add a sprinkling of despair, a serving sized dollop of loneliness, add a slice of isolation, a bowl of anger, and lets not forget a huge serving of accusation.  Hey, you’ve already paid the price…there is no limitation on how much you can have…it is there if you only want more.  (more…)

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       I have to admit…I felt a bit lonely this week…my brave and courageous companion of the last four years had to leave me temporarily.  She really has gone with me places that no-one else would care to go.  I felt a bit guilty as I hooked up with another, knowing all along that i was using another to meet my selfish needs while she was gone; but, that is what happens when your computer gets an attitude and needs an attitude adjustment.

      You see, the old gal was starting to have a mind of her own.  Whenever I would tell her to go one place she had to show me who was boss.   You see, I can admit it…she is a bit smarter than I am…she just has so much knowledge packed in her brain.  However, I have strongly suspected for the last few months that my computer was struggling with the electronic equivilant of ADD…attention deficit disorder…I couldn’t keep her attention.  She would start to be distracted, by each and every commercial pop up available. 

         Now, I can stand a bit of competition now and again…but, it was getting to the point to where she just couldn’t keep her wandering eyes on me, and my wants and needs.  That was just unacceptable to me…something had to be done.  I confronted her with my suspicions…I did a bit of research and ran a background check…sure enough…she was infected with a virus.  I am not immune to such things and obviously, she had gone out and picked up something that i did not care to have. (more…)

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        I heard a recent news story about a woman in Germany who chose to commit suicide over moving to a nursing home.   Did she not have loved ones to live with; or some other option?   She consulted with a knowledgable person about what drugs/chemicals to mix together to kill herself because she said she had no wish to struggle with a mediocre life.  She was not going to live the rest of her life, living what she considered to be a less than ideal lifestyle for the rest of her life; how sad is that?  Some families park their elders in a home and neglect to visit them; maybe she was afraid of being abandoned in this way. (more…)

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       Raising children is one of the most important things a person can do.  It not only impacts a family; it impacts communities, businesses, organizations and individuals.  Raising children well; it is an art form.  In our world today, there are many things pulling at a family unit trying to divide it and conquor it.  It’s become the norm to expect families to break up; it is almost extra-ordinary to see a family survive all that life throws at it.

       There are those around us who struggle in ways that we cannot see.  There are stresses that are normal; and then, there are those which have the ability to wreak havoc on our inter-personal relationships. 

        Un-expected pregnancies are one such stressor.  Un-planned pregnancies, no matter the age or marital status of the parents, can overload those involved; due to financial pressures, health issues, as well as, the emotional well-being of the parents. 

        Making a choice to become a parent is an important step; whether you become a parent biologically, or through the adoption process.  Each life that is conceived is precious and full of promise.  A pregnancy should be cause for celebration; however, sometimes circumstances can complicate the miracle of life.  Those type of situations are when the adoption option becomes a lifeline for those affected.

         Organizations such as Bethany Christian Services are just, such a lifeline.  Of course, they offer more than just adoption services; there is counseling, foster care, estate planning, pregnancy counseling, post adoption care, orphan care, infertility ministry and embryo services.  They are all about building, healing, and restoring families here in the United States and around the world.

        If your heart if full of blessings…or if you have a need…go to this link and check them out.  If your heart has been burdened by the complications of life; and, you have been touched by something greater than yourself…can you find a way to give back?  Support Bethany Christian Services either through a financial donation or maybe just by volunteering your time.  Check them out here:  www.bethany.org.  

          Do you see the suffering of those all around the world and feel helpless to do anything about it?  Those who are lonely, without the basic necessities of life, poor, starving, homeless or just without someone to love them; they need help.   Many of us do see the conditions of the world and suffer a sense of guilt at our own good fortune.  Do you feel something within your heart calling you to make a difference?  We all do…don’t turn off that sensitivity to the hurts in the world.  You can make an impact!

          Maybe you already have the gift of making an impact; but, you wish to find ways of increasing that skill…may i suggest a book that will open windows into the system or skill set that will broaden your abilities to impact the world in a positive way?  It was written by Ken McArthur…a man who has felt the need from childhood to impact the world in a positive way.    The world is a big place with lots of needs.   You have a lot to offer, even if you don’t think that you do.  Find out what it is that you were created to do and be.  Read the book, make a commitment to channel positive energy into some kind of a lasting legacy…and make it happen!

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      I am going to attempt to describe for you a temptation that is beyond my control.  Ok…i know i am not supposed to crave this thing…but, what can i say…i have such a wonderful imagination that i can actually see, smell, and actually, almost taste it.  What is this creation of temptation…why, it is cheesecake of course!

        Now, although cheesecake made from a box mixture is good (darn good most of the time); it is nothing compared to the costly, made from scratch with real, fat provoking ingredients.

        When you make cheesecake…you can do the right thing health-wise and use healthier ingredients such as fat free cream cheese and the yolk free eggs; but, really and truly…if you are going to cross the line and have cheesecake anyway…don’t you want to go all of the way and truly indulge in the full out sinfully good dessert?  I know I do.

       Real cheesecake made with the full fat cream cheese is a rich textured dessert.  It is heavy and creamy with just a touch of a tangy taste.  It is sweet; and slowly, melts in your mouth if you take the time to truly savor it’s richness.  I have to admit…there are degrees of goodness when you enjoy the temptation of such a fine dessert.

       I am diplomatic of course…i love them all.  Whether it be a lemon twist, plain cheesecake; or, covering the tartness of that, with a full out sweet fruit glaze such as strawberry or blueberry you can’t go wrong.  However, if you really want to feel guilty; i suggest something more exotic.

         I personally, think you should commit totally to your decision to cross the line of healthy eating and, just go for the gusto.  Choose a decadent chocolate cheesecake on a dark chocolate oreo base. Maybe add some fresh strawberries or cherries.  Add a couple of shaved, chocolate candy curls for decoration purposes only (who are we fooling?).  

        Drizzle some topping, the kind meant for those choosing to wallow in syrupy goodness, such as caramel or a rich, chocolate fudge syrup to form a pool around the base of the wedge of cheesecake; it makes it look like Martha Stewart is serving it.   Don’t cheat yourself and slice a skinny wedge…you KNOW you will just go back and have seconds if you DO; don’t ya?  🙂   That would make you look a little greedy…plus, this way…there is more than enough to leave a small portion on your plate; giving the illusion that you just couldn’t POSSIBLY eat it all….you know like the skinny model type women do when they go out to eat together!  🙂  It’ll be our little secret, LOL

        At this point, you have gone three quarters of the way into your decision to depart from a sensible diet.  If you are going to feel guilty anyway…why not take it to the limit?  Dig out the whipped cream and some cashews or peanuts  (if you want to claim a healthier nut additon…choose almonds or walnuts) and sprinkle them on top of your creation.  Congratulations…you have created a temptation worth diving into!  You might just be willing to give up a meal for this creation, don’t ya think?

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