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Posts Tagged ‘humiliation’

     Ok…this is seriously outrageous.  Little Caylee Anthony, who was murdered in Florida, is the focus of an important court motion.  It is shameful that not only was the 2 year old murdered and thrown away, like an animal left on the side of the road after being hit.  However, it gets even worse because, there are “people” who are trying to get access to the pictures of the photographs of Caylee’s remains.  Matter of a fact, Caylee’s killer showed less respect for her life, than most people do when they hit an animal, accidently, while driving down the road.

       Prosecutors in the legal case are  allegedly asking the judge to put restrictions on the photographs of Caylee’s remains.  There are photographs on disk that are allegedly being given to the lawyer representing Caylee’s mother for the case.  However, reports say that big time media have paid money to get licensing rights to photographs and videos of little Caylee when she was alive.  Any kind of pictures would be of interest to those who wish to bring viewers a new picture before it gets in the hands of a competitor.  Prosecutors want to pre-empt any possible attempt of  improper use of the photographs that will be used as evidence in the case; that is just common sense.   They need to safeguard the process of the legal system, so that justice can be served without jepardizing the outcome of the case by the misuse of the evidence. 

     This should just be a matter of common sense…however, there are those who will push the envelope of decency.  Just earlier this past week…a gentleman who was skiing had an unfortunate incident on a ski lift and was suspended upside down, his pants and underclothing yanked off of his body, and pulled down to his ankles.  Here he was, hanging upside down…naked from the waist down to his feet…and, people actually took pictures and posted them on the internet.  It appears that people truly do not care about decency or respect of another person’s misery.  In Caylee’s situation, she is not alive to be humiliated or saddened; however, she had family, friends and neighbors who are horrified by the idea of having pictures of Caylee’s remains published and put on display;  for money, or for ratings.

        It is outrageous that these types of legal measures even have to be considered.  Caylee was a victim of murder.  She was tossed away and hidden.  She was not buried in any semblence of respect or caring.  She was offered no dignity in death.  She was a little girl who deserved to live; but, because someone stole her life from her, she was not protected from this further indignity.

        I hope that the courts impose very strict guidelines regarding how these sad photographs can be used.  I think that anyone who makes money off of photographs or video’s of the young child should be ashamed of themselves.  Even the pictures of a happy, living, breathing Caylee only seem to underscore the horror of the knowledge that she died too young and in a horrible way.  Programs that would use the videos and pictures to build stories around, are to me, another assault on the memory of Caylee. 

        People all around the nation have gazed upon the pictures that are already out there of her.  We know in our hearts and minds that an innocent 2 year old child should be remembered as just that, an innocent 2 year old child.  She should not be remembered as she was left in the woods.  Her short life should not be marketed for a news program or an entertainment program.  She doesn’t have to be humanized for the masses…because we all know and love other children her age; it isn’t hard to imagine what she was like. 

       I don’t think we have heard the last of things in this case that will offend us, outrage us, sadden us, or just plain disappoint us in the condition of our culture’s humanity levels; do you?

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       Maybe I am naive, I don’t think that I am…but, truly I try to think well of others unless they give me a rather royal reason not to.  Tonight , I am more than a little annoyed at a few teenagers.  I stopped off at the local library and was perusing the books in the upper level when i overheard a conversation between some teens and a female newcomer.  One of the two males told one of the females to go over to another young male teen who was quite some distance away from them up near the counter.

      The male told the pretty young female to go ask the less attractive, and clearly not a member of their particular cliche, whether he stole “Jake’s” skateboard.  Understand that this is winter here…and, the boy clearly challenged the young woman to go harass the other young man.  Which she promptly did with a malicious smile on her formerly pretty face.  You could hear the young man stand his ground and say No, he didn’t take it.  You could also hear his hurt and embarassment.  When the young woman came back she held out her hand, into which the teen male poured change; as the young woman said, see I told you I would do it!

          I do not know any of these teens.  I turned to go check out my books when i heard the teen boys tell a younger boy (possible sibling) to go ask him again if he took “Jake’s” skateboard.  The young man being harassed cried out…I said NO I didn’t take his skateboard.  The young sibling came back to the two other teen boys and said…what did you tell me to do that for; after he saw the two teens laughing hysterically.

           At this point, i fully realized that it wasn’t some longstanding issue with a missing skateboard in which the teens suspected the other young man of stealing.  It was clearly some cruel twisted bullies who were getting their jollies out of publically humiliating someone who they believed deserved to be treated that way.   This made me very upset.

            Not only did these two young teens use other people to do their dirty work, they subjected every person within hearing distance into being some kind of accomplices just because we overheard it; and, if we did not intervene then we were just as guilty as them; in my eyes.  They were clearly enjoying the misery of another human being; misery that they caused with their cruelty.

            I am not normally a person who likes to draw attention to myself in public situations…but my spirit would not be quiet.  I felt someone had to address what they were doing.  I told them that they were being very rude and that it was time to grow up.  They lowered their eyes and quickly seperated.  Did I do enough; will it change their behavior?  Probably not.  However, in my heart…if i had walked away and kept quiet about what they were doing…then, I would not have had peace in my heart. 

        Why do some people feel such need to hurt, humiliate and tear down another person?  Who are they to decide who is acceptable and who is not?  How sad is it that these young people felt perfectly safe and secure doing what they were doing without fear of being challenged? 

             Personal integrity is important…never forget that.  Never forget that coming to the aid of another person is a compassionate thing to do and there is not enough compassion in the world.  Pretend that compassion is an unending well (it truly is)…and dip into it often.    Peace and love from one person to another; God bless!

        

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      Wow… I just watched a clip from The View today in which Barbara Walters talks about an interview she did with Paula Abdul on her radio show.  http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=6425460

       In the chat fest in the beginning of the show Barbara refers to that interview when she says that Paula has dropped a few explosive bombs about American Idol producers, Fox television, as well as,  Simon Cowell.

         As many of you know, there was an unfortunate young woman who was allegedly obsessed with Paula Adbul who died in front of Paula’s home…allegedly a suicide.  This young woman, Paula Goodspeed, has been supposedly sending letters and trying to make contact with Paula Abdul for something like 17 years, through her fan club. 

         Abdul claims in the radio interview with Barbara Walters that the producers of American Idol knew of this young woman’s obsession and still they allowed her to audition for the three Idol judges.  That audition  appears to have caused much harm; because of the rejection  Paula Goodspeed felt that she was publically humiliated.  Does a show like this carry a  legal and moral responsibility to pre-screen contestants; to make sure that they can handle the criticism that they face on the show?  I think they should.

          Paula Abdul says that she begged the producers and Simon not to allow Ms. Goodspeed to audition…but, against her wishes they allowed her to audition, possibly more than once.  It put her in a terrible position; Paula says that the producers and Simon wished to see her squirm. 

          At some point, Ms. Goodspeed followed Paula Abdul to her home address.  There were other incidents that took place there before the actual suicide took place.  Paula was not home when the suicide took place.  She now has her home for sale i hear; she says she has not slept there since it happened.

         Paula also says that she has lost endorsements and business opportunities because of the public’s perception that she is drunk or stoned on medications; because of the way that she is portrayed on the show.  She says, part of, that is caused by Simon who says crazy things in Paula’s ear piece while she is trying to communicate her “judgement”.   She says, something to the effect, that this is a distraction; and, Simon tries to make her laugh when she is trying to graciously speak to the contestants.

         If these things are true, and she can prove them…i see this turning into a major big, legal deal.  Obviously, Paula is upset about the whole nightmare of the suicide of Paula Goodspeed.  After all, a life was lost and if it is true that it was because of manipulations behind the scenes of the show…then shame on those involved.   There are more important things than ratings of a television show!

         When asked why Paula was still on the show…she apparently, simply said that she is under contract.  Paula also allegedly says that Simon could have at anytime corrected himself and retracted the statements that he has made.  She is under contract for another year; even though, this year there is a fourth judge being brought onto the show.  Just last week, Randy Jackson was on television shows saying not to believe everything people hear about this year’s American Idol.  

           What does this mean?  Is there a mystery here behind the scenes?  Does Paula want out of her contract?  Did this suicide impress on anyone the importance of the impact of the hurtful words that are said to contestants who don’t measure up to the judges expectations?  Is the show going to be legally liable in the young woman’s death?   I wonder, do you anyone feels guilty who was involved in that episode involving young Paula Goodspeed?

          Does this controversy mean that Paula will no longer associate herself with the show after her contract expires?  Time will tell.  I suspect that we have not heard the last of this drama.  What do you think is going on?  Is it alright to do “anything” to get ratings…or, should networks, producers, and the like be held responsible when things go wrong?

* See related story here: https://writeasrain.wordpress.com/2008/11/13/american-idol-judge-idolized/

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       Have you ever known someone who is in a totally disfunctional relationship and just seems destined to repeat patterns of negative and destructive behaviors?  I was thinking on this last night with a young teenaged couple that i know.  They spend all of their time together…fighting…hurting…crying…begging…breaking up…for-giving….manipulating…emotional arm wrestling…isolating…and starting all over again.  They are on the phone…or in person…tuning everyone else out..until they self-destruct.  Then, the explosion, they want everyone to feel their pain.  When counseled…all they can think about is “fixing it” and getting back together.  They get back together all right…but nothing ever gets fixed.  It is an emotional war that definately takes prisoners.

        Then today, someone else that i care about deeply…has decided to once again go up for a heaping dose of all you can eat at the salad bar of pain and abuse.  Taking a little taste of negativity, nibbling on a chunk of guilt large enough to choke a horse, a dip of put downs and innuendo, a spoonful of diced self esteem, add a sprinkling of despair, a serving sized dollop of loneliness, add a slice of isolation, a bowl of anger, and lets not forget a huge serving of accusation.  Hey, you’ve already paid the price…there is no limitation on how much you can have…it is there if you only want more.  (more…)

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         I am sure Oscar De La Hoya is breathing a little more deeply today; the defamation lawsuit against him by a stripper who had been showcasing pictures that seemed to show Oscar with a fishnet & high heel fetish has been dropped.  I remember seeing those pictures and thinking to myself…wow…if that were real it would ruin his boxing career in the macho sports world.  How embarassing for him.

         Oscar denied that the pictures were real.  The stripper, Milana Dravnel still said that they were in fact real.  She was on television showing the pictures.  Again, Oscar said the pictures were fake and had been doctored.  If they were fake…why would she claim otherwise when it could be proven differently…money, attention, passion,  a need to humiliate him for revenge for a broken heart? Did they have a relationship that went badly?   Who knows!

        When Oscar stood his ground…Ms. Dravnel then filed the lawsuit claiming that he defamed her.  After an expert backed up Oscar De La Hoya…Ms. Dravel allegedly admitted it.

         The question is…what was her motivation, if in fact the pictures were doctored?  And if they were doctored…why did it take her from last fall, when she admitted it; until now to drop the lawsuit?   Hmmmm, many questions…not as many answers for those who would like to know.

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      I am a little bit surprised by the timing of the announcement, as it seems to me that these ladies would have gotten more mileage out of launching their website during the high point of Hillary’s historic campaign.   There is a new website that is offering to tell you all sorts of memories of Gennifer Flowers and Paula Jones.   They are putting on video, memories of their times with Bill Clinton.  Their website is offering an opportunity for paying customers to listen to what they want us to know about the Clintons; and, their memories of their times together, for a cheap, bargain price of 1 dollar and 99 cents. 

         What is a shame, is that what should be, upon self-reflection, a time of acknowledging a personal low, in the area of accomplishments and deeds; instead, has become a celebration of those sorrowful experiences with financial perks.

        The sheer marketing genius of selling cheap memories for a cheap price is astounding.  Sad but true, there is always a market for such things that exploit the sensational aspects of life.  I am sure there will be no lack of paying customers…but like most things of this nature; it won’t last, and then what?  Isn’t it time to move on?

         Now, I realize that over the years that both Paula and Gennifer have tried other venues to get their thoughts, feelings and points across…but, let’s reflect a little here on the various ways they have expressed their rejection, humiliation, sadness, anger, and low self-esteem, in my opinion.  

            Let’s see… there was a dramatic  (sexual harassment) lawsuit in 1994 by Paula Jones against Bill, there have been media- driven news announcements, television shows, interviews, a book that was written by Gennifer Flowers about her alleged 12 year affair with Bill, musical tours, speaking engagements, nude photos in men’s magazines, boxing matches, offering up recorded conversations to the highest bidder, and last but not least, financial settlements.

         I guess…in my opinion…the circumstances of each woman’s relationship with Bill Clinton was sad enough in it’s very roots.  But the full growth, of each of their sordid stories, has been nurtured and fertilized by their need to have us all feed off of the fruit, of their in your face, here, is what happened to me situations. 

          I am afraid that this whole thing leaves a bad taste.  After all, by charging for your memories of those times…you have validated Bill’s low opinion of you…women he could use (or attempt to use for his own pleasure) and then discard when it no longer suited his needs.  Then, when confronted, he denied his connections to you…he devalued your worth as women.  Now, all of those who said that you had little class will feel justified in their opinions.  Once again, there will be ridicule instead of people understanding your version of past events.

          By capitalizing financially; and, seeking attention, for more fame and publicity….it seems that you’ve succeeded in taken self-destruction to a whole new level by willing jumping into the pool of degradation, after having been coaxed into it by Bill Clinton; and, his political foes and cronies over the years.

          Paula Jones has allegedly said that this website is a way of getting their words out there without someone else’s interpetations or corrections.  However, i think it has only opened them both up to more media attention and public opinion….therefore, more criticism.  It is at times like this, that your mother’s wisdom is best heeded; if you don’t have anything nice to say…it is better to say nothing at all.   Let’s just end this with the thought, that it is always best to respect yourself; so that others, will afford you the same courtesy. 

         

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        A Kindergarten teacher in Indiana told a young 5 year old kindergartener, named Gabriel Ross, that he “tortured and tormented” her all year.  Young Gabriel kept telling his mother and step-father that his teacher was mean to him.  He said that other children didn’t like him because he was bad.  Who told him he was bad?  The parents were concerned enough that they sent him to school with a tape recorder in his pocket in April.

         On a four hour tape they were able to record shockingly hurtful comments that the teacher allegedly made to Gabriel; and about Gabriel, to the other students in the classroom.  She allegedly told him that he was “self-absorbed, pathetic and ignorant”.  These comments were supposedly made by a teacher with 13 years of experience.

          What i am wondering is; what other things had been said and done to humiliate this child during the rest of the school year; that didn’t get on tape?  Most schools start in late August or early September…this tape was made in April.  That is a long time to damage a young person’s self-esteem.  Most educators teach because it is their passion.  Those teachers teach with joy and skill…when they run into a challenging child…they try to find ways to reach that child and work with them.  If they can’t…at the very least…most will at least move the child to another classroom.

        If the teacher felt that this child was so out of control all year…why wasn’t she contacting the parents to get to the bottom of the issue.  After this tape came to light…the teacher’s association said that the teacher lost her cool.  But the things that were said and done, definately sound like someone who knew how to zero in and verbally annihilate another person’s feelings.  This venom was sounding as if it had built up from more than one difficult day.  Why wasn’t this teacher seeking help handling something that she felt was out of control all year long? 

        At one point, the teacher says that Gabriel is pathetic and that she hopes her words hurt him because he is hurting everyone around him.  Then, she goes on to say to the class…what do they think…is this somone that they want to be with?  Of course, the children all say…NOOOOOOO!   She very effectively made this child a pariah with his own classmates.    What the heck…who is the adult here? 

           How can you justify verbally attacking a child in your classroom?  If a child is out of control…you call in the school counselor, psychologist, principal, parents and evaluate why the child is acting this way. 

           Then depending on the results, you either find an effective way to discipline the child with appropriate boundaries; or you do some medical, psychological or academic testing to see what the problem is.  You find ways to figure it out without getting on the level that this “professional” teacher supposedly did.  There are lots of really good, skilled teachers who want and need jobs.  We dont have to settle for substandard teachers educating our children.

         In my opinion…this was a really horrible example of how not to teach our children. 

      

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