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Posts Tagged ‘hurt’

Tonight was a lesson in making someone feel loved and cherished.  A young lady who has been missing from our community for personal reasons returned for a brief reunion with the people who truly care about her; I think it surprised her.  It was emotional; she was embraced and verbally told that she was loved; that she was missed, and that everyone hoped to see her again soon.  This is a young woman who needs to understand how much she is loved…because she struggles with that.   She has been in pain and because of that…she has put herself through more than she needed to in her journey to adulthood.

Some people struggle with understanding love and accepting love in their life.  Whether they don’t feel worthy of being loved or they just dont feel love for themselves in the first place; it is a difficult position to be in.  Everyone needs love in their lives.  They need to give it and they need to receive it.  It needs to be unconditional…without strings attached.

It was a moving moment to see this young female teen enter into a room full of people and be moved to tears by the response of those people.  I actually felt as though she was a sponge and was able to the first time in her life realize how much others care for her and accept it!  If only everyone who is sad, lonely, angry, or hurt could feel the same kind of reassurance in their life that they are deserving of love.  Do you know someone who needs a compassionate hug or a reassuring word?

I have moved my site to a new Url: WriteWhereYouAre if you are interested in reading more blog posts!

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        Do you ever wish you could undo something, un-think something, un-feel something, not know something, not see something—In other words, go back in time and avoid an event or possibly create different circumstances so that something didn’t happen?  I’ve often wondered if we could rewind time…how often we would be successful at creating a different outcome?  Or would we fall into the same old patterns of behavior in new circumstances? 

         Think about a moment when you did something that  became clear to you that you wished you could go back and undo.   Perhaps it was on the computer and you pushed delete,  or ok , before you pressed save?  Maybe you said something that you couldn’t take back and you hurt another person.  Maybe you did something that had terrible consequences…such as a car accident and someone was hurt, or killed.   Maybe you made a choice and that choice had a negative effect on the rest of your life.   Maybe you made a life changing decision and announced it; and, from the moment you said it…things were never the same again.

         You know, the kind of situation where a complete moment of panic and understanding set in, making you wish that things were different.   If you could go back and redo things…what would you do, say, think, or feel differently?   What can you do differently to prevent yourself from repeating negative patterns of behavior?

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        We are all born into circumstances that we have absolutely no control over.  The best that you can hope for is to maximize the positive and to minimize the negative events, circumstances or experiences.  All of those things, both positive and negative, help to shape us into the person that we become.

        If we start to experience problems in our relationships at work, home, school, or on a personal level with someone special; often, we will discover at the root of the issue, are things left over from our very beginnings in life that are unresolved or unhealed.  When the past threatens to destroy your future you must take time to figure it out; for your well-being and for those who care about you.

        Understanding what the problem is and where it comes from is a turning point.  Don’t get stuck there with excuses why your life isn’t turning out the way you want it to…you don’t have to continue to be held hostage by the past!   (more…)

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         Today my 8 year old daughter is filled with joy.  Want to know why?  The thing that filled her with joy is just that a female classmate invited her to a birthday party at a local bowling alley.  This invitation made my child happy.  She started planning how much fun she was going to have.  She couldn’t wait to go pick out a gift for her friend.

         It is a simple thing… and yet it is not.  She is not an easy child socially.  She doesn’t always fit in.  But she is so excited about going to this birthday party. 

          Fitting “in” is not always easy whether you are a child or an adult.  We all have a need to be a part of the “in” crowd.  It is a couple of hours of acceptance for her which will be good for her self esteem.  Kids can be cruel if you dont wear the right clothes, have the right amount of money, live in the right neighborhood, belong to the right groups…those types of things.  We live in a small town so those kinds of issues are known about one another.

          Yesterday we went out and picked out the important birthday gift…with the right birthday gift bag to put it in.  People who seem to fit in with others as youngsters have a healthy self esteem.   Sometimes my daughter will say, no one likes me…the boys pick on me and say mean things about me to the other kids.  Self esteem is affected by the actions of others around us when we are young and growing; self esteem is important.

           This is an important tool for the teen years and adult years.  That self esteem keeps people from making poor choices when under stress, to make decisions like drinking or using drugs, or entering into healthy relationships when their peers put on the pressure.

           Adults can learn alot from watching their children struggle with acceptance.  It must be taught to not let peer pressure rule them but at the same time…to be accepted by others can be important in learning to accept themselves with or without the stamp of approval from others.  It is growing their judgement skills on knowing when to let someone’s opinion matter enough to affect how they conduct themselves.

            It is hard as a parent to let your child find their own way.  I just want to sometimes step in and say…my child is an awesome person.  Like her, treat her right, show her she is likeable for who she is….but i must let her make her own way in learning how to deal with fitting in and making good choices about who she lets influence her. 

           Those who can be mean or those who try to use their acceptance in the crowd to keep others out of it, have to be  understood by my daughter to learn who she can trust and why. 

            That way, she will understand more complex people as she grows older so as not to be manipulated or hurt.  Loving oneself and freely trusting others is easier when you learn to read others by their actions, body language and by how they treat you with respect.  My daughter is a smart girl; she will learn to let people into her life that know how to have healthy give and take relationships with each other.

             We must learn to understand that by our words, our actions, our body language we have a big impact on others whether we are children or adults.  *  The party was great…she had fun…the others had fun…and she was still filled with excitement when it was over!  This is as it should be.

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     Skillet (Christian rock band) has an awesome song called “Last Night” from their album called Comatose.  It is a song of hope for someone who is in despair.  It starts talking about a teen who has scars on their wrists…and God says…it is your last night away from me!!!

      My husband and I work with teens in our church.  This song is desperately needed in today’s world.  Our youth are hurting.  They mutilate themselves, starve themselves, they dabble with drugs, alcohol, and sex.  

     Self destruction is all around them…it is ” normal”.  Their families are hurting…their friends are hurting….God is there for all.   It doesn’t matter your age.  He is just waiting to hold you and comfort you and offer something more than pain, depression, and humiliation. (more…)

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