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Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

      Rumors have been making the news for a long time about the health of the marriage of Madonna and her husband Guy Ritchie.  They have denied trouble whenever the subject came up…but…the old saying…where there is smoke there is fire stands because they have comfirmed that the couple has agreed to divorce one another.  As always…privacy has been asked for.  More than likely…that will not happen; when infamous couples declare seperation or divorce…it only creates more curiosity.

      Madonna, the material girl of old, has always commanded a large amount of publicity.  Guy Ritchie has been along for the ride since their marriage back in 2001.  It is difficult for any relationship to thrive under that kind of spotlight.  No divorce is easy and dividing up possessions, money and custody time is going to be compounded by the fact that Guy is a Londoner…and Madonna, before the marriage, was a resident of the United States.  For those of you who have gone through a divorce and had to work out visitations and custody times…imagine doing it from one country to the next.  Of course, that is assuming that Madonna would consider moving back to the states after the divorce.  At the moment she is on a tour.

        Madonna’s brother Christopher Ciccone wrote a book earlier this year about his relationship with Madonna.  Christopher alludes to the fact that he believes that Madonna’s husband Guy came between their sibling relationship and their professional relationship.  Christoper was a designer and coreographer for several of her musical tours.  I wonder if they will be able to repair their relationship after this marriage has ended.

       It is the children that will have to do the most adjusting through this situation.  Money doesn’t change that fact; children always suffer the most in a divorce or seperation.  Madonna has three children, Lourdes, Rocco and David.  Lourdes is from a previous relationship to the marriage…Rocco is Guy’s son and David is both of theirs because he was adopted from Malawi during their marriage.  It is sad for them most of all.  Adults make their own choices about such matters.

        In any case, best wishes to all…peace and love to all parties…but, i imagine it will take some time for the fireworks to dim before it is all said and done…these situations take time and energy to resolve.

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         Did you ever go to a wedding and just observe the Bride and the Groom closely?  Today, i did just that very thing.  Oh, to be sure…the Bride was beautiful and full of smiles; and she looked the picture of what a Bride should look like.  Youth, beauty, joy and excitement poured forth from her face as she, who is normally very shy, looked everyone in the eye and took her vows.  This was her testiment to her pledge of love and commitment.

          The Groom also looked young and full of love and pride in the bride of his choosing.  There were awkward moments in the ceremony…such as a very loud train rumbling by the church…just as the bride was speaking her vows. Then, they did some wonderfully, unique things in their ceremony.  They took communion during the ceremony which was lovely.  The poor bride got a larger piece of the bread put into her mouth by her groom; which took her several minutes to chew and swallow…which caused her to be somewhat embarassed and caused some good natured laughter in the crowd.

          Part of the unique ceremony took place when the bride was given in marriage by her father to her groom; at that point…the bride and groom took the elevated platform in the front of the church; and the minister then, came out into the congregation and stood with his back towards the back of the church…he faced the bride and groom; who stood facing the spectators.  This viewpoint gave the advantage of watching the bride and groom as they spoke their vows, lit the candles, and smiled into each other’s eyes as they whispered affectionetly to one another.  Then, the groom played the guitar while one of his groomsmen sang a tribute to their love for one another.

           All in all, it was a trusting, loving, innocent step into the future as husband and wife…not knowing what the future holds for them…just knowing that they were taking the beginning step forward, together!  Hopeful for a lifetime journey.

        

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       The infamous Hugh Hefner, publisher/owner of Playboy magazine, is lonely but not alone.  His longtime girlfriend Holly Madison has left him.  She is still residing in the Playboy mansion for the time being as she is also part of his business…however, their personal romantic relationship is over.  The reason being is that Holly wanted & hoped for marriage and babies. 

        Approximately six months ago, Holly found out that Hugh is no longer able to father children at the age of 82.  Marriage also was not in the cards; as he is still married to wife, Kimberly Conrad.  You would think that a woman who lived with, at least, two other women in their relationship…that not only would she understand that marriage was not part of the plan…but, that bringing children into such an arrangement would NOT be a good thing. 

        Still, other than the obvious perks of living with an extremely wealthy man who could offer many material things in life…one has to wonder what, if any, benefit there is for women who range from ages 18-28 would find from being one of several romantic partners with an 82 year old man who lives such a public life of a player. 

        For his part in this debacle, Hugh says that he has been down in the dumps since the split.  At the same time, Hugh makes it a plainly obvious that he is moving on.  He is already looking for new partners to add to his female menagerie.  He says that he will NOT live alone.

        If a person was to think on the psychological side of this equasion…you’d have to wonder why a man who is aging is so bent on surrounding himself with young beautiful women, in large numbers all at the same time, and who is so determined not to live alone.  It is not as if these young women can keep him from aging or knocking on death’s door when the time comes.  It seems such an empty pursuit; a steady avoidance of anything deeper than a temporary commitment.  Hugh was married twice; one marriage ended in divorce, and the other in a long term seperation that continues to this day. 

        Still, there has been a considerable amount of interest in the life of the man who founded Playboy magazine and the business behind it.  There seems to be no shortage of women who are willing to become a part of his lifestyle.  Many of those women have gone on to make a name for themselves in the entertainment industry themselves.  Morally, many people have taken issues with the man, his business, and the message that is implied of living an alternative lifestyle that is in direct opposition to traditional relationships regarding men and women. 

        The image of Hugh Hefner and his life are rolled into a neat little wrap of sexual freedom, financial indulgences, celebrity dalliances and carefree relationships.  However, beneath the surface of such fairytales are usually layers of pain, anger, dysfunction, fear and abandonment issues. 

         In the end, only Mr. Hefner has the answers to such ponderings.  If there are such issues in his life, we will probably never know it.  I am fairly sure, buried in a file cabinet in a lawyers office somewhere, is probably a stack of documents; attesting to the fact of an agreement of confidentiality between Mr. Hefner and the bevy of beauties who have come and gone out of his very public life. Otherwise, don’t you think we would have heard lurid tales of love em and leave em situations from those who have felt jilted by Hugh Hefner, in the past?

        

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       Every year in the United States approximately 2,500 babies die of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome).  Even though those numbers have come down substantially over the years…even one death a year from SIDS is one infant death too many.  So, research on ways of preventing those deaths is very important.

       A new study is suggesting that having a fan, in the room of an infant, can greatly reduce the possibility of death by SIDS by up to 72% according to the Archives of Pediatric & Adolescent Medicine.  Check it out here: http://archpedi.ama-assn.org/   Invited to a baby shower?  Show your love and concern by gifting the new parents with a fan and a printout of the reasons of the importance of the gift regarding the health of their baby!  Educate parents, first time parents or teenaged parents, grandparents of the new research; empower them with the newest safety information. 

        While the understanding of the role of the fan, in the prevention of deaths of infants from SIDS, is not clearly understood…it was found that rooms that were heated to above 69 degrees benefitted by the use of a fan in the prevention of death from SIDS.  It is thought that overly warm temperatures increase the potential of death by SIDS. 

         Another possible benefit of using a fan in the infant’s room is that the fan helps to circulate the air flow around the baby.  Babies who are put to sleep on their backs do better as well, because babies who sleep on their stomachs have less airflow in the early months of life; when their necks are too weak to lift their heads if the airflow is not sufficient for healthy breathing.  There has been a big campaign to educate parents to use the BACK TO SLEEP plan for this reason.  Babies who sleep on their stomachs also have a larger incidence of rebreathing in carbon dioxide that they have exhaled.  A fan can help to circulate the air around babies.  Still, putting an infant to sleep on their back is a better solution to keeping the airflow open around baby.  Important:  Just remember that when using a fan…keep the cords away from small hands that could pull the fan down and cause injury. 

         What else can a parent do to keep their newborn infants safe from SIDS?  First of all, putting a baby to sleep on their backs in a crib with a firm mattress is an important part of the equasion.    The crib must have the side rail bars or slats spaced 2 3/8 inches apart or less; so that a baby does not get trapped between the bars.   Next, comes the idea of dressing the baby with adequate clothing to keep the baby warm; but, not so many articles of clothing as to overheat the baby.  Keep the crib free from toys, from blankets or pillows or even bumper pads that cannot be firmly attached to the side of the crib.  It is important to keep all items away from an infant that doesn’t have the ability to turn it’s head or to push away from anything that can block it’s airflow.

          Never lay an infant to sleep on an adult bed or extremely soft or conforming surface.  Cuddle time is important…but, doing so in an adult bed could allow the adult to fall asleep.  It is not worth the risk of falling asleep with your infant beside you, when you are not awake enough to keep watch over your young infant.  No one wants to live with regrets on a tragedy that could be avoided by remembering that safety comes first regarding your baby.

          If you are leaving your child in the care of a grandparent or a caregiver…it is wise to include this new information on the best way to keep your baby safe.  Take the small fan with you when you are entrusting others to care for your small child.  Make sure that they follow your direction in the way that you wish your child to be cared for.  It may be different than they have previously cared for other young babies…but, it is never too late to learn.  If they wish to care for your child…express the need for them to follow this guideline of using the fan and not bundling your child up with unneccessary blankets and clothing.

           Many years ago, i knew a young family that lost an infant daughter to SIDS.  It was a horrendous event in their family life.   In fact, their marriage didn’t survive more than another couple of years after the death of their child.   I can’t help but wonder, if this information was available then…would their child have lived?  How many babies can be saved with this new information?

          Here is a great site that can offer more tips on infant safety for parents of young infants regarding SIDS prevention:  http://sids.org/nprevent.htm  Did you learn anything new in this blog post that you felt was beneficial to you; or, someone that you know who has a young infant?

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        Breaking news today of a plane crash last night about midnight that took the lives of four people in South Carolina.  Of those killed, two were crew on the plane, pilot- Sarah Lemmon 31 & co-pilot James Bland 52; and two were passengers, Chris Baker 29 & Charles Still 25.  We wish to give condolences to their friends and family.   Also involved in the plane crash is the famous DJ Adam Goldstein, known as DJAM; and, the ex-drummer of Blink-182 Travis Barker.  They had performed at an event on Friday night and were taking off from the airport when the crash occured.

         Travis Barker is a well known drummer who also was married to Shanna Moakler a former Miss USA and former contestant on Dancing With The Stars. He was known by his tattoos as well as his drumming skills.   He was involved in a rumored relationship with Paris Hilton, at one time, during his marriage which resulted in tabloid reports of cat fights involving his wife and Paris Hilton.  Shanna and Travis have had a rocky on again off again marriage and divorce.  They have two children together…Shanna had a child previously with Oscar De La Hoya.

          DJAM is an owner of the popular club LAX.  He has performed on musical albums for many artists and is well known as a disc jockey.  He was at one time engaged to Paris Hilton’s former best friend, Nicole Richie.  He has been romantically involved with other famous females such as Mandy Moore and Jessica Stam.

           Both Travis and Adam have been transported to a burn center in Augusta, Georgia where they are both listed in critical condition.  They are going to need alot of prayer and support to get through the healing process. 

         Update:  The executive director at the burn center in Augusta, Georgia said that he expects both young men to make a full recovery.  The injuries that Travis Barker incurred were restricted to burns on his torso and his lower body; while, Adam Goldstein was burned on his arm and on his head.  Investigators are still investigating however, the voice recorder from the aircraft was recovered and there was a sound on the tape consistent with a tire blowing.  That evidence, along with pieces of the tire tread near the take off point seems to point to a tire blowout just before take off, which could have caused the crash.

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        Breaking news today that John Edwards is admitting that he lied all through his Presidential campaign when he said, over and over again, that he did not have an affair with a young woman, Rielle Hunter, a filmmaker when the National Enquirer first accused him in October.  She has since had a female baby that he denies is his child; but, there supposedly has been no paternity testing to prove or deny that claim.  Another man has said that he is the father of the child; a man by the name of, Andrew Young.  He  was a former campaign aide.  The child was born in February of this year…the affair began in 2006…but he doesn’t say for sure when it ended…just that the affair ended too soon for the child to be his.

        John Edwards’ wife Elisabeth has fought and battled cancer for years…she was in remission…however, she has now been diagnosed with a form of cancer that is incurable.  I remember an interview, that she did at the time that it was announced she had incurable cancer…and i thought…how strong she was…how composed.  Now to think that she had to also deal with the knowledge of her husband’s affair during that time…just makes me realize how much stronger she was, than anyone knew.  It also makes me wonder how he thought he would be able to support his wife during her battle, run for President, all the while knowing that this affair could harm his family and come out in the press.  How was Elisabeth able to handle the difficulty of the disease as well as the emotional trauma of the affair?

        It was said that as recently as two weeks ago, he was still denying an affair with this woman…and yet, a month ago he had a meeting with her; an now he admits the affair. 

        That can only mean one thing in my mind; somewhere, someone has proof that can’t be denied.  There will be an investigation, i am sure, about whether she was paid hush money as she denied the affair at one point as well.  If it can be proven that he paid her money to keep it quiet…there will be an even bigger news story here.  (more…)

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        Have you ever known a couple that is going through a serious trial in their marriage?  What about when one partner wants a divorce and one does not?  Have you ever wondered how hard someone should fight for their marriage?

         I know someone who is going through the battle to save their marriage.  He says he didn’t know how to show love.  His marriage was jepardized because of it.  He grew up with a father that was only able to show his love by working hard for his family…he didn’t know how to express it in any other way.  His children grew up to repeat those patterns.

         Now another generation is struggling to find ways to communicate love and devotion…but it may be too late.  His wife is ready to move on.  And yet, he still hangs in there…sacrificing his own wants and needs to bend over backwards to give her control over what happens to their future.  Not knowing if she will stop the divorce before it happens…not knowing if she can even remember what drew them together in the first place.

            She admits that she wants Prince Charming.  When she wanted to work on the marriage…he didn’t realize the depth of the issues.  He was in denial.  She was tired of trying to fix things on her own.  Things never got fully resolved.

          The hurt goes deep.  The clock is ticking…the legal proceedings are moving along.  Can it be saved in time before the divorce takes place…maybe, but they both have to want it.  They both have to find news ways of communicating with each other without falling into old patterns of behavior.  No one is blameless in this…we all are products of our previous relationships in family and romance.  Is it possible to move on and be happy if you can’t resolve the problems from your present relationships?  I hope healing can take place.

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      Once again the term an honor killing, has hit the news.  A  Pakistani father, Chaudhry Rashid living in Georgia, who had arranged a marriage for his 25 year old daughter Sandeela Kanwal, is being accused of killing her when she expressed that she no longer wished to be married to the man (who she had not seen in recent months as he lives in Chicago). 

      Sandeela Kanwal was unhappy with the arranged marriage and wished to divorce.  Her father allegedly strangled her to death out of a cultural sense of family honor that was in jeaparody in his mind.   He was so angry that he chose to end her life, rather than admit that a marriage he had helped to arrange was not working out well. 

       Did he put so little value in his daughter’s happiness that he put his own sense of embarassment, about the failure of the marriage, ahead of her life?  Obviously she respected her father’s wishes and married the man her father had picked out for her.  There must have been a compelling reason for her to wish to leave the marriage. What I want to know is…how is family honor preserved by killing one’s own daughter?  How is it more honorable to murder than it is to divorce; in any culture? 

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        Do you know anyone who has gone through a divorce and lost friends?  Maybe you have gone through it yourself…you split from your spouse and not only do you lose family members, share custody of the children and pets, but….now…maybe you have friends that will choose sides and support their spouse of choice!

        Well, that is the way i sort of view the fight between duel celebs Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen.  It is turning into a battle royale; she said/he said.  The things that are being said of one another are ugly.  They are mean and they are vicious.  There is name calling and finger pointing and childish behavior…all in all…your typical divorce nightmare.

       Because both Denise and Charlie are actors they each have their share of “friends”.  The court of public opinion is gearing up for a doosey of a declaration of alliance.  No…the public really has no say in how the court decides in the custody battle for their children; however, both Denise and Charlie are making sure that we know their business.

       I have to say that in most peoples breakdown of marriages it is a long, lonely and painful time for all involved.  In the world of celebrity marriages sometimes it is hard to tell who is really hurting going through a divorce and who is just trying to influence public opinion with all of the PR spin-doctoring that is done.

         As far as Charlie and Denise go…i have to say that i think that like most families who go through a divorce it is the children who suffer the most.  However, i think that both Denise and Charlie are not blameless in the face that they are presenting to the world…it would be wise for them both to remember that someday their girls are going to be old enough to read and hear interviews that they each have done about their marital relationship before and after the divorce.

       With Denise putting her life on a reality show…it will all be there in full color for the girls to see and hear.  All of their hurts and anger will come through and influence their life choices.   Charlie has left a negative and bitter impression about his opinion of Denise in no uncertain terms.  He has allegedly called her vile names that most people would not choose to label women no matter how low of an opinion they have…he has allegedly called her very derogatory names and also racist names.  He even further lowered many peoples level of respect for him as a person by attacking Denise’s mother who was dying of cancer.

       Doesn’t Charlie know that many of his fans/viewers are people who’s lives have been affected by cancer as well?  How does he think that makes them feel?  It would be really a very healing thing if the judge in charge of their divorce would order them to go into family counseling; even if it was, just for the sake of their children!  Live your lives people and move on…time is short…don’t waste it on negative energy trying to get revenge on someone that you pledged your life and love to at one time!  Live and let live…give your children at least a minimum of respect for their other parent.

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     On the celeb newsfront, the word is that Pamela Anderson and her ex-Tommy Lee are back together again…giving it another try.  Most of you will probably remember that they have given their relationship, a try or two; but, they seem to be like fireworks…burning hot one minute and exploding the next.  They were married in back in 1995 but it didn’t last…they two sons together.  They continue to orbit one another…drawn to each other over and over again…only to be pulled apart.   I think their relationship truly embodies the old saying, if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!

       They have each gone on to have headline making relationships with partners like Kid Rock, Heather Locklear, and Rick Soloman.  There have been brushes with the law over domestic violence; a much viewed and talked about video of their intimate relationship, and a child’s accidental death at their young son’s pool birthday party.   Both Tommy and Pam have  hepatitis.  Through it all, they have continued to come back to each other. 

     Let’s hope that they are able to make it work this time because it must cause devastation to their sons to keep getting their hopes up about their parents staying together, only to go through another seperation.  Best of luck in this attempt at another chance of peace and love.

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