When Your Safe Place Has Been Invaded

       For those of you who have been following the tragedy of the murders in Jennifer Hudson’s family and the kidnapping of her young, seven year old nephew; think about this, what happens when your safe place, your place of foundation has been invaded or attacked?  This family is going through a nightmare of epic proportions and because of fame, they are having to do it publically.

       Jennifer and her sister Julia have lost their mother, Darnell Donerson and their brother, Jason Hudson; and, Julia’s son Julian is missing.  This home that the murders took place in was Jennifer’s refuge from the crush of the world that she stepped into as a celebrity when her star began to rise from her singing and her acting over the last several years.

       The Hudson family was and is a family of faith.  Jennifer has said that she grew up in that home, that neighborhood and her home church.  It is an integral part of her support system.   It is part of who she is.  Her mother did not want to move when her daughter became famous…they didn’t want that celebrity to change who they were as a family.  Their home was the center of their family.  It was where all things sprouted for them.  Where they came to; to be together.  It was a safe place.  A place of nurturing.

        What happens now; other than trying desperately to get answers to where Julian is….and what happened to their mother and their brother?  Julia and Jennifer are on automatic pilot i am sure at the moment.  Trying to make sense of things…hoping and praying for the safe return of Julian.  But, their safe place has been invaded.

        How will they ever be able to look at that home and feel what they once felt.  Will it ever feel like home again?  Or will they always feel loss and hurt when they look upon the face of the place that has so many memories for their family.  What about Julian when he comes home…did that poor baby witness the murder of his beloved grandmother and uncle?  Will he ever feel safe there again?  Will he ever feel “at home” somewhere else?  What does this kind of trauma do to a human mind and soul? 

         Many people experience such traumas in their lives…it is something that can be overcome…but, it does shake the foundation of a person/family to rebuild that sense of trust and safety.  Please pray for the Hudson family…as well as, anyone else who has had to go through something so violent and traumatic.  Their faith in God will help them through this time.  However, they are human…and will go through much before they are able to recover and overcome.  Have you ever gone through a trauma that has made your safe place feel violated or unsafe to you?  How did you handle it?

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Who Gets The Custody Of The Friends In The Divorce?

        Do you know anyone who has gone through a divorce and lost friends?  Maybe you have gone through it yourself…you split from your spouse and not only do you lose family members, share custody of the children and pets, but….now…maybe you have friends that will choose sides and support their spouse of choice!

        Well, that is the way i sort of view the fight between duel celebs Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen.  It is turning into a battle royale; she said/he said.  The things that are being said of one another are ugly.  They are mean and they are vicious.  There is name calling and finger pointing and childish behavior…all in all…your typical divorce nightmare.

       Because both Denise and Charlie are actors they each have their share of “friends”.  The court of public opinion is gearing up for a doosey of a declaration of alliance.  No…the public really has no say in how the court decides in the custody battle for their children; however, both Denise and Charlie are making sure that we know their business.

       I have to say that in most peoples breakdown of marriages it is a long, lonely and painful time for all involved.  In the world of celebrity marriages sometimes it is hard to tell who is really hurting going through a divorce and who is just trying to influence public opinion with all of the PR spin-doctoring that is done.

         As far as Charlie and Denise go…i have to say that i think that like most families who go through a divorce it is the children who suffer the most.  However, i think that both Denise and Charlie are not blameless in the face that they are presenting to the world…it would be wise for them both to remember that someday their girls are going to be old enough to read and hear interviews that they each have done about their marital relationship before and after the divorce.

       With Denise putting her life on a reality show…it will all be there in full color for the girls to see and hear.  All of their hurts and anger will come through and influence their life choices.   Charlie has left a negative and bitter impression about his opinion of Denise in no uncertain terms.  He has allegedly called her vile names that most people would not choose to label women no matter how low of an opinion they have…he has allegedly called her very derogatory names and also racist names.  He even further lowered many peoples level of respect for him as a person by attacking Denise’s mother who was dying of cancer.

       Doesn’t Charlie know that many of his fans/viewers are people who’s lives have been affected by cancer as well?  How does he think that makes them feel?  It would be really a very healing thing if the judge in charge of their divorce would order them to go into family counseling; even if it was, just for the sake of their children!  Live your lives people and move on…time is short…don’t waste it on negative energy trying to get revenge on someone that you pledged your life and love to at one time!  Live and let live…give your children at least a minimum of respect for their other parent.

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