Making Someone Feel Loved

Tonight was a lesson in making someone feel loved and cherished.  A young lady who has been missing from our community for personal reasons returned for a brief reunion with the people who truly care about her; I think it surprised her.  It was emotional; she was embraced and verbally told that she was loved; that she was missed, and that everyone hoped to see her again soon.  This is a young woman who needs to understand how much she is loved…because she struggles with that.   She has been in pain and because of that…she has put herself through more than she needed to in her journey to adulthood.

Some people struggle with understanding love and accepting love in their life.  Whether they don’t feel worthy of being loved or they just dont feel love for themselves in the first place; it is a difficult position to be in.  Everyone needs love in their lives.  They need to give it and they need to receive it.  It needs to be unconditional…without strings attached.

It was a moving moment to see this young female teen enter into a room full of people and be moved to tears by the response of those people.  I actually felt as though she was a sponge and was able to the first time in her life realize how much others care for her and accept it!  If only everyone who is sad, lonely, angry, or hurt could feel the same kind of reassurance in their life that they are deserving of love.  Do you know someone who needs a compassionate hug or a reassuring word?

I have moved my site to a new Url: WriteWhereYouAre if you are interested in reading more blog posts!

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Feeling Someone’s Pain

       Have you ever talked with someone, in person or on the phone, and FELT the pain that they were going through?  Staying connected to those around us demands an attitude of awareness and compassion.  Having a relationship with others, that goes beyond the surface, requires time, attention, and sensitivity.  Are you able to feel someone else’s pain?

        Communicating comfort, love and caring towards others is easy.  All you have to do is reach out to them, for them to feel that love and caring.  Will they talk about their pain; it depends on whether they are ready or not.  Some people internalize what they are going through…they can’t share it until they have processed what they are struggling with.  Others unload their challenges at the drop of a hat. 

       The key to staying connected and being helpful to another person; is knowing that person well enough to know how they handle painful situations.  If they need someone to talk to when dealing with difficulties, try to be there for them.  If they need time to process what they are going through…make sure they know they can call on you when they are ready to talk it out. 

       Lately, it seems like there are too many news reports of people who have broken under stress or pain and have become desperate…hurting themselves or someone else that they professed to love.  It doesn’t have to be that way.  If everyone tried to be more aware of those around them…this world would be a better place.  Do you know someone who is hurting; or, is it you who is going through a hard time?

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Someone’s Going To Lose Their Job

      Today, pictures that show the trauma that singer Rihanna  allegedly suffered at the hands of her boyfriend singer, Chris Brown were released.  If it is true that these are authentic police pictures; someone is going to lose their job.   It is awful that someone could profit from providing this picture to a media outlet…whether they profitted for fame, for money, or purely for the ability to be in control over the picture.  When it is discovered, through the internal police investigation, who the person is who released it…they will instantly become a very unpopular person.  It must take a tremendous amount of lack of compassion and integrity to give yourself permission to profit from someone else’s pain and misery! 

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What’s The Toughest Choice You Ever Had To Make?

Hello Readers…today you are in for a very special treat; my very good friend and fellow blogger, Connie Baum, has agreed to guest blog for me today.  I think you will be blessed by hearing what she has to say on a very important topic it is:  What is the toughest choice you ever had to make?

For me, it was the decision to place my own son into a nursing facility. It was incredibly painful for me and for him. I was sure at the time I would never be able to forgive myself for making the choice I did.

He, on the other hand, thought he had done something wrong and he was being punished by not being allowed to live at home any more.

It was an unbearably miserable time for our whole family.

You’ll be pleased to know that there is a happy ending to this drama. Even though he was not expected to live much longer after his admission to the nursing home, he stayed in that facility for ten years, thriving as the years unfolded. At the end of a decade he was able to live successfully in a group home, work in a sheltered workshop, and create a whole new life for himself at the tender age of 39!

Here’s hoping your family never has to make those kinds of choices. The chances are good, however, that you will be faced with not only WHETHER to place your loved one in a professional setting but WHICH facility to choose.

I have discovered a wonderful resource for dealing with this issue. It is a handbook of ‘How To’ prepared by a former Nursing Home Administrator and legal guardian of two nursing home residents. She knows what’s really going on and can help you navigate and negotiate the process of choosing the right facility for the right reasons! The name of this book: “Nursing Home Secrets Revealed“, authored by Aileen Avinedo, RN, BSN

I’m not the only one who thinks this woman has good advice. Look what this man had to say:

“This is the most comprehensive book on nursing homes I have ever read. As a physician who has visited many facilities (nursing, assisted living, and independent living) I found the information to be thorough and accurate. Aileen correctly identifies the important issues one faces when considering a long term care facility for their family member or themselves. This book is an asset for this type of search.”
–Dr. Bryan F. Walther
Loveland, Ohio

Aileen Avinedo is making a difference in Senior Care. Please look carefully at the sage advice she offers. It can make a difference for you and your loved ones, too!

Thank you Connie…you are a blessing.  Check out Connie here: http://www.motherconniesez.blogspot.com/ or www.foodstampscookingclub.com, www.foodstampcookingclub.com/blog, or www.thehealthyandwealthyyou.com, www.motherconnie.com.

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Death Watch Online-How Could They Do Nothing?

       I remember back when i was in high school, back in the 80’s, we had a class on social issues.  In that class we discussed high profile situations in our society; which underscored how desensitized our society was becoming to people in pain and misery.

       There was a case of a woman who was stabbed over and over again in New York.  She was screaming and people heard it and yet they did nothing.  Later, when the police were investigating…people stated that they heard it; but, they did not want to “get involved”. 

         I remember thinking, during that discussion, that that was crazy; an isolated incident.  Not so, as i have grown up and matured, I find that people really are becoming desensitized to other people’s pain and misery.  It is crazy but think about it…how many movies have put murder and torture out there for entertainment value…such as those horror flicks or slasher movies?  It is not only sad…but, it is immoral.   Those things desensitize our fellow human beings to the value of life.

         How many television shows continue to shoot, rape, rob, torture and victimize others and draw in millions of viewers each and every day?  How do we expect people to have compassion towards one another?  We need to reconnect to those around us; this is something that affects us all.  Children are growing up today who have great difficulty seeing past their own wants and needs.  Adults who are willing to commit violence to get what they want…no matter who they hurt or kill.  Parents who kill children, children who kill parents, siblings, neighbors or friends.  It is as if they do not know how to “feel” appropriately towards anyone outside of themselves.

        Today, i am brought to a deeper sadness than I have felt in a long time regarding our nation and the lack of compassion that our citizens show towards one another. 

         A young man in Florida committed suicide online while others watched and egged him on.  He posted a suicide note…he live-streamed his suicide online; while people WATCHED and did nothing to HELP him.  Not only that, they allegedly ridiculed him and said things like…that isn’t enough medication to kill you!  What amazes me, is that this went on for hours and hours before someone had the good sense to contact the authorities to try to get help for him.   It was too late; he was already dead!

         There are reports that this person may have attempted to kill himself in the past.  So what; so what if it was a false alarm…who and what does it hurt to contact the authorities and have it checked out?  If that person was faking it…he would have been sent somewhere for a psychological exam to find out why he would do such a thing.  Maybe, just maybe he would still be alive today if someone had made an attempt to help him; when he FIRST stated his intention to kill himself.   

         Unfortunately, the young man was not faking the suicide attempt…he was actually crying out for help.  There were many people who had an opportunity to get involved, save a life, make a difference…and yet…they did not.  How can a human being watch another person suffer in front of their very eyes and pile more emotional damage upon that person?  Even if they thought it was a prank, even if they thought the person was not serious, even if they thought it was a waste of time…they failed to react with compassion.  How much more of an effort would it have taken to pick up the phone…or contact the online service that provided the streaming video and asked for someone to follow up on the person’s well-being?  Someone finally did contact help…but…it was much too late for saving his life; but, at least they made an attempt.

           I sure would not want my mind filled with the image of that young man lying on his bed with his back to the camera; filled with despair and depression…curled up in defeat…knowing that he died as I watched and took no action to save his life.  Every life has value and should be preserved.  My heart aches for him, for his family and for his friends…and yes, even for those who watched him die.  They will have to live with the knowledge of what they saw, what they said and did; and, did not do to help a fellow human being in distress.

           Many people in our society are affected by mental illness, or by depression.  It is not a crime…however, it is a crime to fail to get someone help when they need it.  I don’t know if any of those who participated in this suicide by watching it will be held legally responsible or not…but, I do think that they had a moral obligation to get involved in a way that would have attempted to provide some emergency help for this individual.  Depression is a serious matter and so is a suicide attempt.   Please help to educate others on suicide prevention!  https://writeasrain.wordpress.com/2008/08/23/suicide-prevention/ or on what happens to a suicide victim’s loved ones after the suicide:  http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=6311509

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Juliane Hough From Dancing With The Stars Has Surgery

       Last night, if you had a chance to watch Dancing With The Stars; you probably already heard…but, Julianne Hough announced that she would be having surgery today to have her appendix removed.  If you remember, last week after competition, Julianne took a trip to the hospital in an ambulance for stomach pains.

        It was disclosed that Julianne has endometriosis; and, that is why she is having her appendix removed.  Endometriosis is a condition that is very painful, it is caused by abnormal growth of the lining of the uterus.  That growth can extend outside of the uterus and spread to the internal organs.  It can contribute to fertility complications. 

        In any case, we send best wishes to Juliane.  During her absence, while recovering, Julianne’s dance partner Cody Linley will be partnered with Edyta.  Julianne hopes to be back in a week…but that would be pushing it by most people’s expectations.  I am sure we will get an update on Julianne’s condition tonight on the results show of Dancing With The Stars.  related story:  https://writeasrain.wordpress.com/2008/11/13/dancing-wthe-stars-maurice-greene-is-a-good-sport/

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Mixed Signals Allow For Conflicted Perceptions…Is It Rape or Intimacy?

       There was a recent news story that did much to anger those who work with women who have been “date raped”.   Helen Mirren, a British actress, who won awards last year for her portrayal of the Queen, did an interview with GQ in which she claimed to have been raped several times, many years ago, when she was a student.  Helen is 63 years old now. 

         The reason some people have been upset with Helen, over that interview, is that she seemed to down play the experiences.  She said there was no extreme violence, she was not hit…but rather, was locked in a room and made to have sex.  She did not file charges in those incidents.  She also said that if a man and a woman were about to get intimate and the woman changed her mind, and the man continued; that was indeed rape.  However, in that circumstance; she didn’t feel that a woman could then turn around and take that man to court for it.  Those are highly controversial remarks when taken individually or out of context.  To some people…those comments smack of judgementalism…that those situations aren’t worthy of prosecution of a person who sexually assaults another.  Those comments appear inflammatory to many folks.

         Most people are clear that if a stranger attacks another person and forces sexual relations…then that is rape.  It is true enough…it is.  But there are other forms of rape as well that aren’t as clearly defined for some people.

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All You Can Eat-At The Salad Bar Of Pain And Abuse

       Have you ever known someone who is in a totally disfunctional relationship and just seems destined to repeat patterns of negative and destructive behaviors?  I was thinking on this last night with a young teenaged couple that i know.  They spend all of their time together…fighting…hurting…crying…begging…breaking up…for-giving….manipulating…emotional arm wrestling…isolating…and starting all over again.  They are on the phone…or in person…tuning everyone else out..until they self-destruct.  Then, the explosion, they want everyone to feel their pain.  When counseled…all they can think about is “fixing it” and getting back together.  They get back together all right…but nothing ever gets fixed.  It is an emotional war that definately takes prisoners.

        Then today, someone else that i care about deeply…has decided to once again go up for a heaping dose of all you can eat at the salad bar of pain and abuse.  Taking a little taste of negativity, nibbling on a chunk of guilt large enough to choke a horse, a dip of put downs and innuendo, a spoonful of diced self esteem, add a sprinkling of despair, a serving sized dollop of loneliness, add a slice of isolation, a bowl of anger, and lets not forget a huge serving of accusation.  Hey, you’ve already paid the price…there is no limitation on how much you can have…it is there if you only want more. 

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Mother/Daughter Celebration Luncheon

        Today I went to a mother/daughter celebration sponsored by a church ladies group.  I celebrated motherhood with two of my daughters and with my granddaughter as well as my mother and one of my sisters.  It was great.  We had a good time, we took pictures, we played games had good music and food…but, the biggest gift was just the opportunity to spend time together.

      My mother has had a very difficult couple of years with health issues.  I was gifted with a good and loving mother.  I try to make it a point to say and show how much she is loved and needed.  I could have lost her several times in the last several years…so, i dont want to waste any time that i have with my mom.

        I think how fortunate I am.  Mother’s day is meant to be a celebration but sometimes it is very painful.  For those who have lost their mothers or for those from dysfunctional homes…mother’s day can be painful.  For parent’s who have lost their children…mother’s day..is a reminder of the lack of future and present time with their deceased children. 

       Fathers and husbands are parents because of their wives…the mother of their children…celebrate them—no they aren’t your mother…but you chose them to be the mother of your children so honor them.  It doesn’t have to be an expensive gift…just acknowledge the importance of what they do…day in and day out! 

        So, if you are lucky enough to have a mother figure in your life….feel blessed…share your day with someone who doesn’t if you know they are hurting.  Say a prayer for those who are lonely or sad  on this special holiday.  If you need to mend fences with a mother/step mother; and, it is a healthy or safe thing to do; do so (if it will cause no further harm to you or her) then, mend those fences.  Life is too short.  You never know how long you will have with the mother or mother figure you have in your life…dont find yourself with a plate full of regrets or should’ve, would’ve, could’ve  done this or that.  Most of all, connect with the special people in your life!  Tell them what they mean to you.

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Pain and misery

      Well, i have been trying to ignore it. So far, not doing so well in the ignoring part.  I have had, for the last 2 days, alot of pain under my rib on the right side; as well, as around the back. 

       I am hoping that it will go away. 🙂  (It has happened in the past; gone away i mean.  After i  went to the hospital first and spent alot of money on tests of course!)  They never could find out what was wrong .

     I don’t know if it is irritable bowel, appendix, gallbladder..or what.  But, i am hoping since we don’t have insurance that it just goes away.  That is how i am praying.  We sure don’t need a bunch more medical bills.

     Feelings of guilt arise when i start feeling miserable because i know others are going through so much worse than me…including some of you who have been posting to me.  So forgive me for even mentioning it.  I only do so…because i am not sure i will be able to keep up with the posting’s on here at the moment. 

     In any case, have a super, great weekend.  Blessings your way!

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