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Posts Tagged ‘regrets’

      As we once again approach the end of a year and begin another one; it never fails to amaze me how often we repeat the same old patterns.  Oh to be sure…there will be the predictible year in review on the news programs…on the entertainment programs; and, even on the morning talk shows.  Does anyone else watch those things and think….that happened this year?  Why, i thought that person passed away longer ago than that…or did that much stuff really happen just this year?  We can learn from these things because time really does pass more quickly than we are aware of.

         As as we approach the new year…we will invariably have to hear about all of the new year’s resolutions that we may or, more likely, may not keep within days of making our comittments!  🙂  We will hear from all of those people who have the ability to “predict” the future; telling us their  version of the coming days and, how we are going to handle those situations around the world. 

          I say, let’s do something new this year.  Let’s live in the moment for a change…how does that sound?  People get so locked into the past that they can’t envision the future.  Those who have their sights set on the future…are so busy trying to forget about the past that they cant live for today.  When we live in a constant state of rewind or fast forward…we miss some of the greatest moments today with our friends, our family, our co-workers, neighbors and even with friends we have not yet met.

          Each day is a gift and must be truly lived in to be appreciated.  There is nothing worse than meeting someone who is bitter and corrupted from the past that continues to haunt them…or someone so bent on tomorrow that they can’t even take the time to realize that today is passing them by while they are so busy preparing for the next greatest thing that may be coming their way.  Regrets are a terrible thing to live with because wishing things were different doesn’t make it so. 

          People who get to the end of their lives either take stock and tally all the blessings in their life or they sit and review all of the missed opportunities and regrets of things that they could have, would have or should have been done better.  That is not a happy moment.  

          Our attitude or approach to life should be viewed as a whole life outlook or plan…not as in segments to be filed away for posterity to be reviewed at a later date; it is much too precious and passes way too quickly, we might forget to DO something important if we view life in small segments to be accomplished.  At the end of life, there are no do overs; I am afraid to tell you.  This is it, in this world that we live in.  If you get off of your chosen path…it is easy to re-route your footsteps and get back on track…as long as you are still breathing…you can change the course that you choose to follow.

         Many of us spend way too much time doing things that we don’t want to do…things that don’t make us happy; or, doing things that others expect us to be doing.  When it comes right down to it…no-one else lives inside of our skin…or our souls; we alone are responsible for our personal failures and achievements.  Yes, there are others who help us on our way but; no matter what…when it comes right down to it; we each have a responsibility to figure out how we want to live our lives…with both the beginnings, the endings and all that happens in our lives, in the very important middle.  Let’s make it a goal to make every day count for something special!

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Have you ever noticed that people who have an attitude of thankfulness in their heart are much more pleasant people to be around?  That fact was brought home yesterday, when I knew that we would be surrounded with family who has that view on life.  It is not so much that life is perfectly happy and content…it is an attitude of grattitude.  Knowing in your heart that things can get better when they are not the way that you wish them to be.  The future has a way of working itself out when living situations are not as you want them to be.

       The point was driven home that it is a choice to experience life to it’s fullness by a phone call.  It was a person who is going through a very difficult thing in life…divorce.  He had called the night before and was very morose and abrupt.  He SAYS that he called to wish us a Happy Thanksgiving.  But it didn’t feel that way; and my husband was not available to talk to him till the next morning… on Thanksgiving.

       So my husband calls him back to return the “good wishes” only to be greeted and treated to the same monotone voice that i heard.  He was filled with despair.  When wished a Happy Thanksgiving…he actually replied; “What is there to be thankful for?”

       Then he said, that is why i called you yesterday; to AVOID the whole Thanksgiving Day thing! Then why call at all?  Did he really mean it that he wished for us to have a Happy Thanksgiving or did he want to let us know, that while we were having a Happy Thanksgiving, he was miserable? 

       I asked him the night before what he was going to do on Thanksgiving after trying to support him through the short conversation; only to become disconnected on the phone.  Or that is what i thought, until the next day when my husband experienced his phone call with this person.  He too experienced a disconnect with him…co-incidence? 

        I don’t think it was…i think he was hanging up in his misery.  That is sad, it is disturbing, it is heart wrenching.  It was also angering; because, he does have much to be thankful for.  He has a job, he has a place to live, he has  children for which to be thankful for.   The phone calls were a blantant bid for sympathy; and, an opportunity to dump his chosen mood of misery on other human beings.  How we choose to live our lives is just that, a choice.  You can “let life happen to you” or you can choose to wring every last joy or pleasure out of it while you have it.

       It isn’t that we don’t care about the misery that he is going through in his divorce.  But the truth is, that no one else can give you happiness or peace.   You can’t put life on hold or it will pass you by…leaving you with a plate full of regrets!

      Now there is more suffering.  It is unavoidable at this point.  There are two choices…to accept the ending and move forward…or wallow in the misery and resentment.  This person still has children to be a parent to; siblings to have relationships with; and, the person is still young enough to learn from their mistakes and rebuild their life with another person, if he so chooses.  This person is a good person.  I wish for him happiness.  I wish for him healing and joy in life.  If i could box it up and give it to him…i would…but i am afraid…he doesn’t know how to accept it. 

       Life is short.  We must approach it with care.  Is life always going to give us what we want, when we want it, the way we want it on a silver platter?  No.  Can we still choose to live joyously and fully?  Yes, i believe we can.  Let’s help each other along by giving encouragement, when we are ALLOWED to!

      Have you ever noticed that people who have an attitude of thankfulness in their heart are much more pleasant people to be around?  That fact was brought home yesterday, when I knew that we would be surrounded with family who has that view on life.  It is not so much that life is perfectly happy and content…it is an attitude of grattitude.  Knowing in your heart that things can get better when they are not the way that you wish them to be.  The future has a way of working itself out when living situations are not as you want them to be.

       The point was driven home that it is a choice to experience life to it’s fullness by a phone call.  It was a person who is going through a very difficult thing in life…divorce.  He had called the night before and was very morose and abrupt.  He SAYS that he called to wish us a Happy Thanksgiving.  But it didn’t feel that way; and my husband was not available to talk to him till the next morning… on Thanksgiving.

       So my husband calls him back to return the “good wishes” only to be greeted and treated to the same monotone voice that i heard.  He was filled with despair.  When wished a Happy Thanksgiving…he actually replied; “What is there to be thankful for?”

       Then he said, that is why i called you yesterday; to AVOID the whole Thanksgiving Day thing! Then why call at all?  Did he really mean it that he wished for us to have a Happy Thanksgiving or did he want to let us know, that while we were having a Happy Thanksgiving, he was miserable? 

       I asked him the night before what he was going to do on Thanksgiving after trying to support him through the short conversation; only to become disconnected on the phone.  Or that is what i thought, until the next day when my husband experienced his phone call with this person.  He too experienced a disconnect with him…co-incidence? 

        I don’t think it was…i think he was hanging up in his misery.  That is sad, it is disturbing, it is heart wrenching.  It was also angering; because, he does have much to be thankful for.  He has a job, he has a place to live, he has  children for which to be thankful for.   The phone calls were a blantant bid for sympathy; and, an opportunity to dump his chosen mood of misery on other human beings.  How we choose to live our lives is just that, a choice.  You can “let life happen to you” or you can choose to wring every last joy or pleasure out of it while you have it.

       It isn’t that we don’t care about the misery that he is going through in his divorce.  But the truth is, that no one else can give you happiness or peace.   You can’t put life on hold or it will pass you by…leaving you with a plate full of regrets!

      Now there is more suffering.  It is unavoidable at this point.  There are two choices…to accept the ending and move forward…or wallow in the misery and resentment.  This person still has children to be a parent to; siblings to have relationships with; and, the person is still young enough to learn from their mistakes and rebuild their life with another person, if he so chooses.  This person is a good person.  I wish for him happiness.  I wish for him healing and joy in life.  If i could box it up and give it to him…i would…but i am afraid…he doesn’t know how to accept it. 

       Life is short.  We must approach it with care.  Is life always going to give us what we want, when we want it, the way we want it on a silver platter?  No.  Can we still choose to live joyously and fully?  Yes, i believe we can.  Let’s help each other along by giving encouragement, when we are ALLOWED to!

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      Want to be happy?  Live out loud, be who you are, conduct yourself with integrity, reach out to others, stand up to injustice, satisfy your soul, don’t allow yourself to continue to live with regrets or leave things undone; and, peace will be yours forever!  Words to live by.

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        So, are you buying it?  Are you buying the idea that the celebrity,the media and political pundits are perpetuating; that the Democrats and Barack Obama has this Presidential election all tied up?  And if you are buying it…are you hearing a little voice inside your head saying…anything that looks too good to be true, probably isn’t True?  If so, you should listen to it.  Vote your conscience…the voice in your head that tells you the the right thing to do.

         Have you ever debated with yourself over a big purchase?  You know the drill…should I or shouldn’t I, buy it?  Then, you find yourself tempted beyond belief and give in, because the next, new, pretty, shinny thing catches your eye and looks good to you?  It is the latest, the greatest…everyone has it…everyone says you must have it…your life will be better if you only…join in and buy it.   Immediately, that little voice inside your head tells you…You should not have done that!  You know you are going to regret doing that.  There will be consequences…and then….THEN, THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES, and you have to live with them.

          That is called buyers remorse.  Don’t buy into this perfectly rosy picture that is being painted by the very slanted media and online chanting going on…Barack Obama is not God.  He cannot, by himself turn this world around on a dime.  No, he will have to have help.  Yes, there are plenty of people willing to help him do that…for a price.  Are you willing to put a man into office, that has so many questions swirling around him about the quality and allegiences of the people that he involves himself with, who will have that much influence over what laws govern your life, what level of quality of life you live, and a man that seems so very above it all?  He barely registers emotion when he is before the cameras.  What is his leadership like behind the scenes?  Maybe you should check this out: http://hillbuzz.wordpress.com/2008/10/30/confession-of-an-obama-blogger-by-sarah-p-as-posted-to-this-site/

         Don’t vote for Barack Obama and expose us all to a huge portion of buyer’s remorse.  Some of us can’t afford it and the impact will be felt around the world!

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       When a person passes away…you wonder why kind of epithet (description) others would use to describe that person.  A person’s reputation…legacy…is important.  Most people want to be remembered as someone who other’s genuinely liked, respected and wanted to spend time with.

        Most people don’t want to be remembered negatively.  Today, i heard that Mr. (Richard) Blackwell has died.  Do you know who he is?  I bet when i jiggle your memory cells you will recognize his legacy…it was extremely negative.

         Mr. Blackwell was famous for his very harsh, negative, and biting descriptions of what people in Hollywood and the world of celebrity wore out in public…their fashion sense.  He often said that he wasn’t condeming the person…just their fashion choices.

         He was known for his lists of the 10 worst dressed people of each year.  I was sure that there was so much more to this man.  So i did a little digging.  His celebrity was that he was an author of two books, he was a child actor, he was a television/radio personality, journalist, an artist and a talented fashion designer.  But what is he best known for?  His negativity…that was his claim to fame.  That is such a waste of spirit.  Obviously, he was much more talented that the world knew…however, he put negativity into the world.  Regrets are something that most of us try to avoid…i wonder if he had a few when his time came.

         Mr. Blackwell died of an intestinal infection.  He had been hospitalized for quite some time…and was in a coma, at one point, i believe.  He was born Richard Sylvan Selzer.  He lived in Brooklyn, NY in a poor lifestyle.  He says in his autobiography that he was a thief and a prostitute.  He had a difficult early life.  That might explain why some of his negativity carried over into his professional life as an adult. 

         I think that no matter what…we have to be aware of how we present ourselves to the world.  We all have difficulties…some worse than others.   People can get caught up in trying to one -up-manship in the area of who has had it more difficult; but…at some point, you set aside childhood ills, and YOU take the reins of your destiny as an adult.   At that point, you and you alone, are responsible for the direction that your life takes.  I want to work hard to make sure that the legacy that i leave behind is more heavy on positivity than negativity. 

        What obstacles have you had to overcome to take your life in a positive direction?

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        This was a very sad state of parenthood to learn about.  It seems that a woman in Georgia found out that her teenaged son and his underaged girlfriend were expecting a baby.  Mom or grandmother decided that they weren’t ready for parenthood.  She took it upon herself to contact the girlfriend and convince her NOT to tell her parents about the pregnancy and to have an abortion.  She alienated the girls parents right to love, support, and guide their daughter during one of the most important decisions she would ever make in her lifetime. 

        The boys mother, Cindi Cook, forged a note saying she was the girls mother and gave consent for the abortion.  A judge said she was guilty of interferring with child custody and of breaking the parental notification law regarding abortion.  She will be in jail for a year now because of the guilty verdict.  There may be repercussions for the clinic involved as well; since they allegedly didn’t follow through and verify Cindi Cook’s claim of parentage of the teenaged girl.  (more…)

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        Today I went to a mother/daughter celebration sponsored by a church ladies group.  I celebrated motherhood with two of my daughters and with my granddaughter as well as my mother and one of my sisters.  It was great.  We had a good time, we took pictures, we played games had good music and food…but, the biggest gift was just the opportunity to spend time together.

      My mother has had a very difficult couple of years with health issues.  I was gifted with a good and loving mother.  I try to make it a point to say and show how much she is loved and needed.  I could have lost her several times in the last several years…so, i dont want to waste any time that i have with my mom.

        I think how fortunate I am.  Mother’s day is meant to be a celebration but sometimes it is very painful.  For those who have lost their mothers or for those from dysfunctional homes…mother’s day can be painful.  For parent’s who have lost their children…mother’s day..is a reminder of the lack of future and present time with their deceased children. 

       Fathers and husbands are parents because of their wives…the mother of their children…celebrate them—no they aren’t your mother…but you chose them to be the mother of your children so honor them.  It doesn’t have to be an expensive gift…just acknowledge the importance of what they do…day in and day out! 

        So, if you are lucky enough to have a mother figure in your life….feel blessed…share your day with someone who doesn’t if you know they are hurting.  Say a prayer for those who are lonely or sad  on this special holiday.  If you need to mend fences with a mother/step mother; and, it is a healthy or safe thing to do; do so (if it will cause no further harm to you or her) then, mend those fences.  Life is too short.  You never know how long you will have with the mother or mother figure you have in your life…dont find yourself with a plate full of regrets or should’ve, would’ve, could’ve  done this or that.  Most of all, connect with the special people in your life!  Tell them what they mean to you.

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