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Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

     Isn’t it sad to see someone who was once considered beautiful, sexy, popular and much sought after turned into an empty shell?  In other words a hottie turned into a nottie?  One of the big misconceptions that the media portrays on men and women is that all you have to do to be successful is to be attractive, popular and available.  If a person falls into that trap and doesn’t develop some deeper qualities and values in life…eventually, the emptiness turns a person into a sad, shell of a person who seeks attention in the only way they know how; displaying what they consider to be their only value…their body.

        You see this all of the time in the world of celebrities…but everyday people often fall into that trap as well.  Beauty, youth, and popularity all pass away in time…what’s left is the spirit, the mind, and their purpose in life.  If those aren’t developed along the way…the search for meaning is sometimes mis-directed onto meaningless relationships, trendy pseudo-religions, drugs/alcohol abuse, and endless dramatic attempts to seek attention. 

         As a society we need to devalue the attention that the media puts on empty pursuits by public role models.  We need to encourage those sports figures, politicians, and celebrities who are doing positive…purposeful things in life.  Quite giving time and attention to those who are living on the edge and doing nothing more with the gifts in their lives than pursuing selfish and destructive behaviors.  In raising our children, we need to develop character building, self esteem, and goals of reaching out to others. 

          We do this by teaching them to discover how to connect to others, give back to those who are less fortunate in life, teach them spiritual fulfillment, and to value their bodies by encouraging modesty and healthy self- esteem building techniques. 

           I dont like seeing young guys or gals flaunting their bodies or their finances to gain attention; I like it even less when i see a 40-60 year old who talks, acts, spends, and dresses like a teenager…because that is the only way they know to attract members of the opposite sex.   Let’s encourage an attitude of growth, respect, confidence, and personal development as a way of life!

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       Have you ever talked with someone, in person or on the phone, and FELT the pain that they were going through?  Staying connected to those around us demands an attitude of awareness and compassion.  Having a relationship with others, that goes beyond the surface, requires time, attention, and sensitivity.  Are you able to feel someone else’s pain?

        Communicating comfort, love and caring towards others is easy.  All you have to do is reach out to them, for them to feel that love and caring.  Will they talk about their pain; it depends on whether they are ready or not.  Some people internalize what they are going through…they can’t share it until they have processed what they are struggling with.  Others unload their challenges at the drop of a hat. 

       The key to staying connected and being helpful to another person; is knowing that person well enough to know how they handle painful situations.  If they need someone to talk to when dealing with difficulties, try to be there for them.  If they need time to process what they are going through…make sure they know they can call on you when they are ready to talk it out. 

       Lately, it seems like there are too many news reports of people who have broken under stress or pain and have become desperate…hurting themselves or someone else that they professed to love.  It doesn’t have to be that way.  If everyone tried to be more aware of those around them…this world would be a better place.  Do you know someone who is hurting; or, is it you who is going through a hard time?

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      Denis Beaudoin who believes he may be the father of some of the children that Nayda Suleman (Octo-mom) gave birth to has gotten the ok to have DNA testing done to determine whether he is in fact the father of any of the children.  Nayda has 6 older children as well as the 8 newborn babies who made media history recently when they were all delivered alive. 

         Denis donated sperm to Nayda during the years that they dated between 1997-1999.  She told him she couldnt have children the traditional way because she had ovarian cancer.  They were in love at the time and wanted to have a child together.  They broke up eventually and went their seperate ways.  When he heard of these pregnancies and births…he immediately thought it was possible that he was the biological father.  Nayda denies that he is the father and has ok him having the DNA testing to prove that he is not.  Time will tell the truth about paternity.  If it rules Denis out…then the questions will begin again about who in fact is the father.  (more…)

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Well, this past week has been a lesson on nurturing my blog.  This past week was a week out of the ordinary and I was not able to nurture my blog in the way that I normally do.  I began to think on that thought.  A blog is a bit like a baby…it needs to be nurtured to grow and prosper.

How do you nurture a blog, you ask?  First things first, if you have a blog already you need to evaluate it’s well-being.  If you do not have a blog…begin one.  You need to think about what your blog is intended to accomplish.  Mine was initially set up to develop some discipline, commitment, and to help improve my writing.  As it evolved, I learned more…and therefore; I have discovered what I want and need.  Some of those things have changed with time; and now, I know that  my blog needs some adjustments.   That is ok, it is called growing pains; things that don’t grow become stagnant…they wither and die.  If your goals change for your blog, then you must make changes.  That knowledge requires some re-evaluation.  (more…)

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       Twitter is quickly becoming a way of life for many businesses and folks.  Anytime twitter shows a fail whale…(the symbol a person sees when trying to access Twitter and its service is unavailable) people quickly bemoan the fact that they can’t get on.   🙂  The fail whale doesn’t usually last long…I’ve only seen it a few times; briefly, when it was over capacity with Twitter users.  Twitter is a mini social site that is quickly becoming a large social media site; the idea is to answer in 140 characters or less the question, ” What are you doing?”.   Often, I hear other users say that they quickly become “addicted” to Twitter.   The service has spawned a bunch of books on Twitter etiquette….rules or no rules use.   Reasons for using Twitter is as varied as the number of people you ask…everyone has their own reasons for using it.  Relationships are built online…everyone has equal access to other users…both famous and non-famous users.   The latest controvery of this company which has been in business for approximately 3 years is…should they charge a fee for their services?

         So far, the Twitter service is free.  There is some discussion about whether businesses may be charged to use Twitter in the future.    People are still discovering Twitter and all that it can do.  Many people of course, use Twitter as a social networking service for their personal communication; others, are trying to find ways to use it to brand their businesses.

          Twitter has been uber successful in their goals of creating a mini social networking site.   At the end of 2008, Twitter rejected a bid for purchase by Facebook of $500 million.  To me, that means that they view their value as well over that $500 million; and it means to me that Facebook considers it a huge competitor.  Still, to stay competitive with Facebook as well as other large entities…Twitter will need to make money to stay alive and growing.

           Businesses have to make money somewhere to stay in business and pay their own employees.  Do they raise funds by putting advertising on their service, by charging for upgraded services for business accounts, or maybe charge a membership fee?  What do you think?  Do you use Twitter?  What are your thoughts on this subject?

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      Both Chris Brown and his girlfriend, Rihanna, were scheduled to be performers on the Grammy Awards show last night.  They did not show up.  Today, word comes out in news reports that Chris Brown is being accused of a domestic violence assault,  of an undeclared female who allegedly Id’ed him as the abuser; this is a felony, if convicted.

        It is alledged that Chris Brown and his girlfriend Rihanna were driving and got into an argument and stopped the vehicle.  Allegedly both exited the vehicle and continued the argument.  The argument became heated and someone placed an emergency call to 911.  When the police arrived they found the victim at the scene of the altercation.  Chris Brown had allegedly left the area.  The victim had visible injuries.

         Chris Brown has been booked for making criminal threats and it is alledged that there could be more charges filed in the future.  He posted a large amount of bail and was released.  The spokesperson for Rihanna did not confirm or deny reports…supposedly just expressed Rihanna’s well being, and thanked everyone for their concern.

          I remember for quite some time at the beginning of their relationship, it was kept hush- hush about the rumors of their romance.  Chris is only 19 years old and Rihanna is 20; if this domestic assault did indeed happen between these two, it is going to have long reaching consequences.  Domestic violence is a huge problem; it affects everyone, whether personally or through someone that they know.  It’s an issue that destroys many lives. 

         It doesn’t help that as public figures, both Chris and Rihanna, are viewed as role models.  Because of their fans, many will be watching this situation closely.   Of course there is concern for both party’s well-being; at the same time, how they handle this situation personally and professionlly, will be important. 

         Domestic violence can never be condoned.  Often times, drugs or alcohol play a part, as well as stress, anger issues, and financial strains.  Those are underlying causes for many instances of domestic violence; but, they should never be a justification for harming another person. 

         If this alledged assualt is swept under the rug by the PR machine, it will do a grave disservice to both men and women.   Teens and young adults, who are aware of this situation, will be learning from it.  What they learn will be determined by how it is handled by both Chris Brown and the victim…whoever she is.  The seriousness of it should not be spun by those trying to minimize the professional damage to the entertainers…it is more important to address the issues for both of them; they are so young and they have their whole lives ahead of them.  It would be wrong to allow this alledged incident to be downgraded to a misunderstanding if there truly was domestic violence.  None of us were there and know what really happened…hopefully, there will be healing for everyone involved.

         There are so many layers of emotions involved for family members, friends and the general public as well as those involved in a domestic dispute.  Counseling is helpful, support of family and friends who are informed and not enablers is crucial.  Getting professional help when dealing with these issues is a healthy way to work through them and prevent them from becoming a pattern in personal relationships; it may just save someone’s life.

          Often domestic violence is about power and control.  Those two issues are present in every relationship; how those issues are addressed is important they can be handled in a healthy way or they can be ignored allowing a dangerous situation to get out of control.    Domestic violence is being  abused,  used, overwhelmed,  intimidated, coerced, controlled or humiliated; that is when the balance of the relationship crosses over into dysfunction.   For anyone experiencing an abusive or dyfunctional relationship there is help available:  http://www.ndvh.org/ .  Please reach out for help, because often these thing get worse as time goes on.  No one wants to be in that situation…please get help before it is too late.

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     Christina Raines is the young woman who had recently moved in with her fiance, Drew Peterson.  Drew Peterson, if you will remember, is the former police officer who has been a suspect in the disappearance of his fourth wife and also was under suspicion in the death of his third wife.   Drew did an interview, with Martin Bashir of ABC’s news program Nightline, that aired on Thursday night.  Drew and Christina viewed the interview together, at which point…she allegedly called him a liar, broke up with him and moved out. 

     Everyone has been concerned for her safety and that of the well-being of her children, that moved in with her and Drew.  By moving out…she may have very well saved her life and her sanity from living in a fishbowl.  To listen to Drew tell it; he is addicted to new romances…what kind of a relationship can survive that, long term?  No woman wants to think she is just a number standing in line; to enjoy her turn at the romance department…only to be replaced by someone younger and more exciting; if real life gets in the way of the newness of their romance.

       I saw part of that interview, Drew comes across as trying to be very charismatic and at the same time…condescending.  He appears to like the attention of the public and he appears to like the fact that people fear/and are fascinated by him.   He made comments alluding to the fact that “young women are drawn” to him.  They seek him out he said and, even sometimes flirt with him or sit on his lap.  He tells the interviewer that he likes the attention of the young women…he likes falling in love.  Drew also said that when his relationships start to lose their excitement…that is when he is drawn to other women.  His relationships/marriages have failed in the past because of this.

       Christina’s father, Ernie Raines has been trying to enlist the help of the local police department, trying to make sure that his daughter and grandchildren are ok.  He made no secret of the fact that he does not trust Drew Peterson.  I think that many people can understand and support those feelings.  Ernie helped Christina move out…Drew did not want to let him in the house and Ernie had to once again call the police.  Good job Ernie for being persistant; if you feel your children are in danger…you do what you have to-to protect them.

     You have to wonder about the emotional well-being of Drew’s younger children that he had with Staci…his wife that is missing.  How must it be for them to be growing up in a home that is constantly watched and a place that must be under alot of stress because of that suspicion.  Not to mention…those children have been deprived of their mother…for whatever reason she is missing…they have suffered a great loss.

        In watching the interview, I felt repulsed listening to him go on and on about how much he enjoys the attentions of the young women that he meets and has met in the past (in bars).  It comes across to me as a young, immature male teen bragging on his conquests.  It all appears as a game…one that matches his wit and his ability to con those around him.  He was an undercover police officer for a 5 year period and  he allegedly made statements, in the past, about how he loved to see the faces of the people who were arrested once they found out that he was a police officer who conned them with his disquises.  The interview felt to me, like it was just another con job that floated his boat…one that tested his ability to still fool those that he wishes, with whatever story he chooses to tell.

        I say to Ernie Raines…enjoy your relationship with your daughter…spend time listening to her.  I hope that she is able to heal her heart and realize just how much better off she is away from the media circus that she was living in with her relationship with Drew Peterson.   At the same time, she might want to spend a little time in counseling trying to discover what it was about that relationship that made her feel like she was making a good decision for her future and that of her children.  Best of luck!  Women…where there is smoke there is fire…you can’t change a person that you are attracted to…you cant “fix” their problems…you can’t be all things to one person…and you can’t live with the shadow of missing wives, alleged murders, infidelities, and controlling behaviors; and live happily ever-after!

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      Well, it seems that tone of voice can make all the difference in the world when a statement is made.   It has been reported that a contestant, by the name of Mark Mudd, auditioned for the American Idol show.   The audition apparently didn’t go well and as he was exiting, Mark Mudd said, “Be Careful”.   The American Idol judges took that comment negatively since the audition didn’t get him on the show.  

       Both Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul allegedly felt threatened.   With Paula Abdul’s recent experience with an obssessed fan’s, Paula Goodspeed, suicide near her home…it is understandable that she would be a bit wary; however, i think had they concentrated on Mark Mudd’s tone of voice…maybe they would have heard a clue that tipped the balance of common sense that the statement held no threat of future violence.  The judge’s alleged perception of the statement was influenced by the alleged failure of the audition to get the performer on the program as a contestant.

       The audition was in Louisville, Kentucky; and in that region of the country, and others, “be careful” is a common phrase spoken in parting.   I do it myself…it is the way i grew up…it is a caring way to part company; it expresses concern for the other person’s well-being.   (more…)

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      Wow, I can’t imagine, as a parent, how horrifying it would be to me to have one of my daughter’s move in with someone who was suspected of killing not one but possibly two of his wives.   However, that is the exact scenerio that Ernest Raines, father of Christina Raines-Drew Peterson’s fiance, is facing this week. 

       Ernest Raines is extremely worried and concerned that his 24 year old daughter has moved out of the residence that she shared with her previous boyfriend, and moved in with Drew Peterson the former police sergeant from Chicago. 

        Christina and Drew became engaged in December after becoming involved with one another approximately four months previous to that.  Drew has been considered a suspect, by many, in the  suspicious disappearance of his fourth wife Stacy at the end of October 2007.  Drew’s third wife , died under mysterious circumstances, in 2004, and that death has recently been classified as a homicide. 

        It is no wonder that Christina’s father Ernest is seriously concerned about his daughter’s well being considering the fact that 2 of Drew’s 4 wives have either gone missing or died under questionable circumstances.  Not only has Christina moved into Drew’s home; but , so have her very young children, ages 4 and 5. 

        Christina is a legal adult and is free to make her own choices regarding her personal life; even if she doesn’t believe that she is in some kind of danger.  However, she is the parent of two young children and it’s not good parenting to put them in the middle of a situation where they could possibly be in danger. 

          Parents across the nation have had their children removed from their custody for lesser reasons.  There are reports that the two young children’s birth father, Tony Yauk,  has allegedly been asking authorities how he goes about getting custody of those children.  If  I were in his position…I would do the very same thing. 

          If you are a parent who perceives that your children are in danger and you do nothing…that is considered failure to protect.  I would ask Christina if her relationship with Drew Peterson is worth the possible loss of custody of her biological children?  Shouldn’t your own flesh and blood come before any romantic relationship?  If  her relationship with Drew is so important to her …maybe she should consider relinquishing custody to the father of her children; or, maybe even to her own parents or relatives; if they are appropriate people to be caregivers.

         You also have to wonder about a woman who would start a relationship with a man who is 30 years older than her; who has also been the subject of much speculation regarding previous relationships.  How do you put those concerns aside and consider becoming his 5th wife and move your children into that environment?  What needs, of Christina’s, are being met by being romatically involved with Drew Peterson?  Why would Drew Peterson want more attention drawn to him after all of this time of scrutiny from the authorities and the media?

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     It was announced today that two of the professional dancers on Dancing With The Stars are now engaged.  This is a surprise to many as Karina Smirnoff was involved with former contestant entertainer Mario Lopez not so very long ago. 

      Karina is now engaged to be married to Maksim Chmerkovskiy.  They are both very talented.  They have been dating for most of the summer and are , at present, involved in the Dancing With The Stars tour.  They became engaged on New Year’s Eve. 

       The new season of Dancing With The Stars begins the second week of March.  This new aspect of their relationship should make for a very interesting season for viewers.  How will the competition between dancing teams affect their relationship….how will it affect their dancing?  In any case, we wish them well…may they live happily ever after. 

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