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Posts Tagged ‘superior’

        Oh I forgot about this, a couple of weeks ago i watched the ABC television show Wife Swap.  Normally i do not watch this show as it is a bit too over the top dramatic for me .  I don’t know why I ended up watching this time, but I did.   I probably shouldn’t have because it was outrageous and offensive to me.  This is one wife swap drama that  they probably shouldn’t have televised.

         The one husband appeared to be an elitist…a snob of a royal kind.  He was rude, insulting…condescending and very emotionally cruel to the wife that was swapped to his home.  He came across as a total jerk.  He tried to change the game halfway through the program.  He refused to change the rules or activities like other families do during the second week; he threatened to stop the show, he ignored the swapped wife; and, he encouraged his children to do the same. 

        If you have never seen this show… it is a show where two families swap wives/mothers with each other.  Of course, the families for dramatic reasons are two exact opposites when it comes to lifestyles or practices.   When the women change places…they do as the family normally does the first week….during the second week, everything changes and the women implement changes/rules that they think would better or improve that family.

         This particular show, Stephen Fowler, was openly hostile, rude, emotionally critical, verbally abusive and controlling.  He made statements about middle  class Americans who he referred to as Rednecks.  He called the “wife” fat, lazy, ignorant, stupid…etc.  He insulted her education.   It crossed the boundaries of dramatic television and entered into nothing but abusive conduct, in my opinion.

        It seems that Mr. Fowler is now experiencing a huge backlash about his conduct and his wounding words.  Rightly so!  He tried to be so superior to everyone and everything that he came across to be very boorish.  I thought his wife, in retrospect, was fairly decent in her dealings with her family that she was swapped to; for the most part, at least until she was reunited with her husband. 

          At first, when his behavior came to light, during the meeting between families at the end of the show…she appeared to be somewhat ashamed of the things  when she was told of what he said and did.   Still, a person who conducts themselves so very openly and unapologetically towards another person…has to have exhibited that sort of behavior before,  i would think.  How could anyone allow their children to be raised around that level of contempt and disrespect for others?  How will those children relate to others in the future? 

        I thought to myself, if I were his wife…i would be ashamed to show my face because people would know what kind of a man she had married.   I would wonder if people thought that I thought the same things about others that her husband appeared to believe.   I also thought, a man who appeared to be filled with such contempt for others should not be allowed to have so much influence on young children’s minds  (he and his wife had children there who watched how he treated the swapped wife).    He was demonstrating cruelty to another fellow human being; simply because he thought she deserved his contempt.   

          But at the end of the show, both Mr. Fowler and his wife,  left me feeling glad that I no longer had to listen to him.  I really though that he could win an award for the most offensive person on television that week for sure; if someone would take a vote.

        I guess Mr and Mrs. Fowler’s neighbors are frustrated because people are driving by their home and pointing; and, someone even egged the Fowler’s home.  Someone has been passing out fliers with the Fowler’s name, address, and pictures on it.  These things are not ok.    Of course, the neighbors did nothing wrong…so this of course, affects them too.

         This printing of fliers, finger pointing traffic, and egging  is considered harassment.    Of course, no one should condone harassment or violence towards anyone…however, Mr. Fowler certainly struck a chord with many people.  It would appear that by his own words he behaved like a jerk and people were not ok with that.  

          Most people who have such a strong opinion towards others learn to keep it to themselves; or, find a more appropriate way to express themselves; rather than going on national television.    This past week, it was announced that Prince Harry, of Great Britain, is going to be taking sensitivity training because of something that he said about another person.   It would appear that being sensitive towards those who are different, from ourselves, is something many of us could benefit from.

        

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        Have you ever been in a situation where you were won over to another person’s opinion…allowing them to convince you to their way of thinking?  Maybe your original opinion was wrong in the first place; but if not, how were they able to change your mind; have you ever wondered?

         Of course, most of us have an opinion about the things that go  on around us.  Have you ever found yourself in the position of having catapulted over to another person’s way of doing things; when you really wanted to do them differently in the first place?  Why did you allow their will to trump your own?  Was their way of doing things better…or were they just more persuasive?

          It is an interesting thing to think about.  Did you give more value to their opinion than your own?  What convinced you that they were right, and your thoughts or opinions were less right?  Often it is persistent persuasion, combined with perceived superior credibility.  You know your own faults and mistakes…but, you do not know those of the other person quite as readily; giving them the advantage of a certain level of confidence, that you do not automatically give your own opinion. 

          If you are a person that often feels resentment because others seem to get their way; and, your way is often not the chosen path; you need to think about why that happens.  Do you express yourself well?  Do you listen to all of the facts respectfully and then verbalize your opinion in a fair way, with a pleasant tone of voice?  Are you easily led by the firm voice of others, into doubting your own opinion?  These are issues that are important to the daily bump and grind in life, business, families and organizations. 

         If you tend to err on the side of giving more weight to the opinions of others, you need to evaluate where that comes from.   Knowing what you think and believe; and understanding why you hold those opinions, is key.  If you firmly believe that you are in the right, your opinion can be backed up with facts or figures; and, you learn how to present your voice in a confident and respectful way…others will listen.  Present the large and small picture, put things in perspective, use examples that re-inforce your beliefs, validate your opinion with evidence or a precedence that will apply to the situation.

         Sometimes it is important to find common ground where both sides of a discussion or issue can be met.  From that point on, listening is very important.  Listen to the other side of the issue or discussion before stating your opinion.   When you do express yourself, do it in a manner that is open to some give and take; or, compromise.  People who become entrenched in getting their own way, simply for the sake of getting their own way…often don’t. 

         If common ground can be achieved and there are degrees to which an issue can be decided…you have a better chance of convincing others to agree to your way of thinking.  If you can convince one or two other people to agree with you…often, you will start to see a shift in the direction of a group.  Persuading another person or two, begins to show validity to your way of thinking.  Some people may still personally hold a different opinion privately; but, what starts to happen is, that they are persuaded to hold an opinion that is influenced by the majority opinion.  This is effective impact.

         Often, you will see an organization or business use a celebrity or a powerful person who already has credibility in a certain area to give a testimony.  This is also called social proof…that is, harnessing that person’s value as a spokesperson because their opinion has valuable impact that can influence others.  If a group, business, or organization gets a famous person who shares their passionate message to endorse them…they are more likely to persade others or inspire them to their believe their message. 

         That is powerful, and that is why you see advertisers using the most famous powerful person that they can get on their public relations team; you even see it in politics.  Think about recent developments with Sen. Barack Obama…whether you believe in his ability to lead or not…you certainly have seen the star power that has been attached to his campaign.  There have been many celebrities who have given their “testimony” about their belief that he should be President…in fact, media analysts have given mention in the news to the Oprah factor regarding his campaign.  Oprah’s opinions carry alot of weight with some voters…she brings alot of persuasion to the table.

         Influencing a group in this way, needs to be done in a way that is ethical and honest.  Forcing others to your way of thinking can backfire and cause great harm if you are malicious minded.  Think of those who use gossip or rumor to negatively affect persons, or groups of people.  No one wins in that situation and bad feelings are created; leaving everyone involved with a negative impression.

         If you use the process of persuasion…and you are doing it in an ethical way…you will start to find that people will gravitate towards supporting your business, issue, or organization.  Being persistent in stating your opinion or issue is important to getting others to support that issue.  The more people who are pursuaded or convinced, the more that word of mouth spreads the opinion, it becomes viral; and, it becomes more credible to those who have not heard it, or been previously convinced. 

          If your goal of persuasion is to get people to take action…then effective persuasion is a must.  Ken McArthur’s Impact Boot Camp Action Team has spent the weekend learning how to use their impact to get people to take action and to be effective in their collective powers of persuasion.  These team members include people like Jeff Wellman who made a splash in the internet marketing world in the last year or so.  They were exposed to experts in many areas of impact such as publishing, media, social networking and so on.  Author Brendon Burchard, who also gives inspiring advice to businesses and non-profit organizations, was present. 

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