Here is a story i could sink my teeth into since i am the parent of several special needs children. A young boy, by the name of Adam Race, has been banned from the church that he has attended since 1996. He has been banned because he is autistic, and is very large. He has several behavioral challenges that the church is suggesting endangers other attendees.
Adam’s priest by the name of Daniel Walz has filed a restraining order against the 13 year old’s parents; which the mother has violated. Understand that Adam is only 13; however, he is six feet tall and weighs somewhere around 225 pounds. The sheer size of the young man is definately something to consider.
The priest alledges that Adam has struck another child during services and that in his zeal to leave the building, has at times almost knocked over elderly parishioners. Adam has also run out of the building and, started a couple of vehicles to hear the “calming roar of the engines”. This is another danger concern. Adam sometimes has a problem holding his urine; and, if he needs to be restrained during difficult behaviors, he fights it. The mother and father, do at times, have to restrain him. This can all be quite disruptive; and that, plus the concerns for safety, has led the priest to file the restraining order. The priest felt they had no other choice.
It seems that before that filing, the priest and a church trustee attempted to discuss their concerns with Adam’s parents. They offered the family other options and accomodations to deal with the behavioral issues. The family refused. It hasn’t been revealed what those other accomodations were. The family has defied the restraining order and continued to attend church with their son. By the way, this is a family of seven.
I have special needs children as i said before. I have also been a foster parent to many special needs children who were behaviorally challenged. I know the stress of that. I know the need of sitting in church to receive peace and a strengthening of my faith. I also, am well aware that most of the time…it is much more stressful trying to achieve that goal of peace and strength in a very public setting with others who have no idea of the daily struggles living and providing for special needs young people requires.
You see, you need special training to deal with some of the behaviors and special requirements. So you can’t just happily send a special needs child off to a sunday school classroom with people who are unprepared or untrained in those skills.
My husband and I have been teachers in several church settings. We know what it is like to be the teachers or instructors in charge . We have had to teach and sometimes handle special needs children or teens in that environment as well.
One time, we did have a young man who was also very large for his age and autistic. It was a child that did not attend regularily, this program was a vaction bible school event. The platform was a raised one. All of the children were encouraged to stand in front of the platform during praise and worship. Then, when that was done, they were encouraged to sit down in the rows of pews. The young man in question, at one point, ran to the front while the puppets were performing. My brother- in- law, who was a weight lifter, was operating a large puppet that included having his arm encased in a fur lined sleeve.
The young man ran up on stage and grabbed my brother-in-laws arm and pulled it down over the front of the puppet stage and almost broke my brother-in-laws arm. It took several people to disengage him. It was something we were un-prepared for. The parents had dropped him off during the services and left. This was unusual…because the other days of that week, they had stayed with him and helped to keep him under control when he would get overly excited. Communication is key in these situations. Educate the workers or volunteers to the special skill sets that they will need to work with special needs youths successfully!
Most of the time, having special needs children in church is workable. You discuss with the family members or care givers what works for each child as an individual. Maybe you can even get the parents to help volunteer in the children’s program to help out. You do your best so that the caregiver can get a couple of hours of peace and “down time” from the strains of 24/7 caregiving, if possible. Raising awareness about those who live with special needs children and providing support is the goal of this website: http://www.growingupspecial.com/
What you can’t do, is jeapordize the well-being of others around violent or unpredictable special needs. In the case of Adam, if the accomodations that the priest was offering would have allowed for maybe a private room with closed circuit television or something equivocable, i don’t see why the family would not jump at the opportunity, not to be the center of attention during services. It seems to me that if they wanted themselves and their other children to get the most out of services they would have tried other options.
Understand, we do not know all of the circumstances. I am only operating with the information that i was able to glean from reports. However, I can’t imagine trying to attend a church where my very presence was considered to be intrusive. How can this environment be considered to be uplifting spiritually? I would hope that if the church truly tried to find a way to allow Adam’s family to continue to be a part of the congregation; and, allow for his special needs without causing dangerous situations; Adam’s family would respond in kind. I hope that they can find some sort of middle ground.
If there is more behind the scenes details that explain their need to defy the restraining order…it has not been presented publically. Church is supposed to be a refuge from the everyday world. We are supposed to leave the building lifted up and renewed…i hope that there can be healing and well-being for all concerned.
Update: June 02, 2008 Carol Race, Adam’s mother, pleaded not guilty to violating the restraining order that kept her and her son from attending mass. She says that she will continue to fight for disabled people to attend church services. She says she believes that thousands of families around our country have not felt welcome in their churches and is asking that churches set aside a pew for families, in their church, in similar circumstances.
Write where you are 
I am a Christian school teacher, but even I have sometimes found Sunday school instruction challenging. Many parents who have children without special needs see Sunday school as a babysitting service for their child and refuse to hold their child accountable for their behavior. It is difficult enough to manage the participation and physical behavior of these students without any consequences, and traditionally churches have left it up to parents to assign those consequences. I feel awful that the spiritual needs of this family are so difficult to meet due to the special needs of their son. If they truly wanted to attend church there, why don’t they do their best to find a Christian teacher in the area who is trained in Special Needs to work as an aide for their child. I, as you mentioned, hope that the church did everything they could, but it is unfair to open the church up to a lawsuit or its other attendees to dangerous situation out of the expectation they should know how to manage each given situation.
I have twins with special needs, at age 3 they made “noise” in church…..my husband was being deployed and I wanted a place that I could take my boys so they could play and I could monitor them and at least hear the sermon. I even offered to pay (out of our own pocket) for our nanny to watch the nursery. The pastor said that “You’re children have special needs and people are uncomfortable.” I wasn’t asking for anything but a room….please if you think that you find true followers of God in church….think again. I am not interested in other’s comfort zones….I was raised in church, am very spiritual but I have found some of the most spiritual sick people sitting in judgement of others in church. They will answer to the creator of all and they will also find that the gatekeepers of heaven won’t be so eager to open those doors. Pray before you speak.
I am a member of this parish. I can tell you that the church offered to make the “crying room” a private room for this family (it has a large window into the main body of the church with speakers), and they offered video streaming of the Mass into the basement. Aside from the choir loft (which is always full) and the Sacristy at the front of the building, those are the only other rooms in our church. We don’t have any hallways or closets (aside from the under-the-stair storage space)… we are a tiny church, and we truly did offer all we had… It breaks my heart that the family did not accept those options, but Adam is truly too large to control when some trigger sets him off. Thank God he has not seriously harmed anyone yet, but he has certainly bruised and drawn blood (hitting, kicking, scratching, etc). It is very sad, but we have a very young congregation with many young families and children. They are so vulnerable, and if they are coming through our foyer (an approx. 8×8 foot square entry space) from, perhaps, going to the bathroom, their parents should not have to be scared that Adam will be having a meltdown and bolting out to the car…
I appreciate what you are saying “beenthere.” I’m glad that you were able to contribute to this conversation because headlines already judge situations without all of the information. Teresa, I’m really sorry that your church treated you in this way. It is true that the cruelties from fellow Christians are the ones that hurt the most–I’ve experienced it myself. In your case, if the church is unwilling to negotiate with you, unfortunately it seems as though you will have to find another church that will. I know that is a frustrating decision to make, but you need to find what will be best for you and for your children.
Thank you Amayala, Theresa, & Been There….each of your comments shed a different light onto the whole situation. It just goes to show that there are many issues to address in these types of situations.
When all is said and done, communication and sensitivity is the key along with a willingness to try to create a safe and healthy place for all to get their spiritual needs met. It can be done. It does sound as if the church attempted to do this. Thank you been there for filling in the gap in information.
Lawsuits should be saved for situations of abuse or neglect…not for having something mediated because a mutual agreement can’t be met. No one wins in that kind of situation. It is too harmful. We wish you all well.
The conversation with the pastor happened once. After I got off the phone I melted and cried hardier than I have ever in my life. That was 7 years ago. Since, my husband has been gone on one deployment after another………….and I have not entered a church since…..In fact, I have never talked about this issue to anyone except my parents until now. I have no desire to trust or “fellowship” with anyone that tells me that only certain people are welcome…when all the hidden sins sit so pious in the church. “What Would Jesus Do?…..or would he be even included?????
My wife and I have a special needs son who is thirty and lives with us. When he was in pre-school and elementary we were involved in children’s ministry and noticed that as the years went by he was getting less and less out of a Sunday school setting. We also started to homeschool him afetr second grade because he could not keep up and we felt we had to offer him our best. We continued working in childrens ministry eventually becoming childrens pastors, alll along noticing that there really wasn’t anything focused towards special needs children, especilally when it came time for youth group, teens, etc. From all that experience with our child, his peers, and teaching biblical principles on a child’s level week after week, we were inspired to start a ministry in 2003 called Special Church. It is designed for the special needs community to have church…to worship, to pray, to participate. As one of our regulars said to a visitor one day “…this is our church!” For more info go to http://www.specialchurch.com. Maybe we can help you start a Special Church in your community.